Tainted
by Taintednightstar
Summary: Allyce plans on melting Severus' icy exterior and to learn more about the boy Lily Evans spoke highly of after they left Hogwarts. The problem isn't getting Severus to let her in, it's remaining by his side when he pushes her away. Nothing is ever as it seems. And that's just one of the lessons the pair of them learn the hard way.
1. Surprises & Suspicions

I wandered through the numerous carriages of the Hogwarts train, passing through the students without even a second glance. A smile found its way across my face. This was it. I'm finally going to teach at Hogwarts. As I passed through, some of the boys turned their heads and I had to fight to hold my laughter in. There wasn't a dress code for Professors so I had chosen to just wear anything black.

Today I'd pick a black, fitted long sleeve dress that reached the floor. It had a lace bodice that went in at my waist, showing off my curves. The sleeves were lace as well and to finish it off it had an A-line skirt. I'd paired this with black converse shoes that were hiding underneath and a small gold pendant in the shape of a diamond, with an emerald in the middle to compliment my brown eyes. The pendant settled over the gap between my clavicles that stuck out underneath my tan skin.

I'll have to find someone and ask where the Professors' compartments were but everyone was either stunned or glaring at me. My black hair had tumbled out of the braid I had it in earlier so now waves cascaded down my back. Eventually I found a carriage with people who seemed nice and well, a lot more down to Earth than everyone else. Okay, I can do this. I've looked Death in the eyes more times than I can count so asking a bunch of students for directions is nothing.

Bringing my hand up to knock I took in a deep breath. I knocked twice and poked my head through the door.

"Are you an apprentice?" asked a girl with bushy, brown curls who I assumed was the infamous Hermione Granger as I recognised Harry Potter in the corner with Ronald Weasley. They were all wearing muggle clothes seeing as the train ride had only just begun.

I blushed at her comment. She can't be serious.

"No, actually I'm not. I'm the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor."

I walked in and closed the door behind me.

"Oh!" exclaimed a surprised Hermione, the embarrassment was starting to show. Harry must have overheard our brief exchange as he stopped his conversation with Ronald and came over to introduce himself.

"It's nice to meet you Professor. " He held out his hand to shake which I gladly took.

"Likewise. Save the introductions, I know who you are and you'll find out about me soon enough. Could you three by any chance tell me where the Professors' carriages are at? Hagrid's directions got me a little confused."

"Right. Well as far as I know, they're the end compartments closest to the front of the train." Harry moved out of the door and pointed at another compartment ahead.

"The one over there is where we've seen Professor Snape and a couple of other Professors go into but we haven't seen any of them this morning."

At this point Ronald decided to speak up.

"But you might not want to be in the same carriage as him."

"Ron!" scolded Hermione as she gave him a good whack with her Potions book.

"Hermione!"

"I was just warning her." Ronald muttered whilst rubbing his arm.

"What's there to warn me about?" I inquired. Sure, I've heard a few things about him already but to be honest I was excited to meet him. He's a master in both spell and potion making. It'd be an honour to work alongside him regardless of the many insults he was known to give. Especially since our paths never crossed back when we were students, he was four years ahead of me and mostly kept to himself so I never had the chance.

"Just ignore him. He's a good Professor, we've learnt a lot from him" answered Hermione.

"No, there's more to it than that. You don't have to keep things from me. I've already heard a few things. I just wondered whether your opinions would differ from theirs."

Harry manoeuvred back into the compartment and the three of them shared a look of uncertainty as I stood impatiently by the door.

"He's just a bit cold and…"Harry's voice trailed off at the end unsure of how to continue.

"Harsh?"

"Yes, among other things" replied Hermione.

"You forgot he's a heartless greasy old git" mumbled Ronald but I doubt anyone heard him except for me.

"You mean how he has this 'thing' against Mr Potter?" I asked, choosing to keep what Ronald said to myself.

"That and he gives me the creeps. He's like Dracula or Death itself" said Ronald.

"Really?" I feigned interest, this was nothing new. I heard worse at Hogsmeade.

"Yeah, and he's always wearing the same clothes. He's probably lives in a cave somewhere and sleeps upside down like a bat with his weird nose."

Hermione rolled her eyes at him.

"Why does that matter? You've come a long way from your first year in his class. Stop being so judgemental."

I laughed at them. This was going to be a good year.

"If that's all then I'd best get going now. It was nice to meet you all."

"Wait, Professor."

"Yes, Miss Granger."

"Is there any chance you would tell us what we're going to be learning this year?"

"As eager as always I see. How about this, I'll give you a hint. This year we'll be learning about a very difficult, yet effective charm." I gave a small smile and carried on to the carriage Harry had pointed out.

Brushing some dust off my dress I opened the door and was surprised to find it empty. Hmm, alright I can work with that. I sat in the right hand side corner next to the window and held out my hand after I retrieved my wand from my waist, where I had secured it with a thin belt.

"Accio Art folder"

A black Art folder appeared in my hands, I unzipped it to find my various sketch pads along with numerous art supplies. I'd enchanted it so I could fit pretty much everything in it. I pulled out my A3 sketch pad and a 4B pencil before muttering a charm to return my Art folder back inside my trunk.

I twirled my pencil in my hand and stared at the blank page, wondering what to draw. Resting my pencil and sketch pad on my lap I swept my hair over my right shoulder, leaving my face visible to anyone as soon as they opened the door. I tried looking out the window for inspiration but it didn't work. Everything was moving at a pace too fast to capture more than half an outline. My shoulders heaved as I sighed and I began to aimlessly draw a raven.

Actually this isn't too bad. I had nearly finished the entire outline so the only thing missing now was tone. Why don't I just draw all of them? A Raven for Ravenclaw, a lion for my own house Gryffindor, a badger for Hugglepuff and a snake for Slytherin. Luckily I had drawn the raven in one of the corners so I went ahead with drawing the rest of the houses in a corner each, leaving no room for anything in the middle.

I don't know how much time passed. I did hear the door open a couple of times but no one actually came in. Whenever I get into anything, I don't notice a lot about my surroundings. At some point my neck started to hurt so I used Accio to summon one of those Graphics tables where you could adjust the table surface, so that you could draw without having your neck bent over. I heard the sliding of the door once more as I was adding the finishing touches to the badger before moving on to do the tone for the snake.

A tall man dressed in black from head to toe with oily, black hair that went just past his chin but didn't quite reach his shoulders, entered the compartment. He wore a stiff, buttoned coat with sleeves that opened up at the end, a cloak and a pair of dress pants. There was something familiar about his nightshade eyes but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"What do you think you're doing here? This is out of bounds for students." He sneered. The stranger spoke slowly, pausing about a nanosecond between each word. His cold, lifeless voice filled the room. If you looked up the definition of authority, you'd find him. His voice had a strange ability to effortlessly command attention. Somehow – regardless of whether you're speaking the same language as him, you know you should listen.

I calmly put down my pencil and raised my eyebrow at him.

"Well, don't just stare at me you insolent girl! Answer!"

"I'm not a student but even if I was that is no way to talk to someone. Who knows maybe if you're man enough to calm down I'll tell you who I am."

He narrowed his eyes at me, clearly annoyed he had to even share the air he breathed with the likes of me. His frown lines deepened as he just about stormed to the seat opposite me and sat down with a whoosh of his cloak. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, I had started shading the snake while he had taken the time to glared at me with a scowl that never seemed to leave his face.

I sighed in defeat and once again put down my pencil but this time I sent the Graphics table away and put my things on my lap.

"My name is Allyce Somerhalder. I'm the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor and you are?"

I looked up from my sketch into his eyes. I don't know what happened in those last couple of minutes. He was still clearly annoyed with me but somehow I found myself feeling attracted to him. No, maybe 'attracted' isn't the right word. There's just something about him that I haven't seen before. He's interesting. He's intriguing. His eyes were enticing black orbs that showed wisdom beyond his years. I saw an overwhelming amount of grief and suffering shine through that made me feel glad I hadn't seen the same things he had.

"Severus Snape. Potions Master."

I brightened up a little at the mention of his name but he was still a bit of a jerk to me so I didn't let it show. No wonder his hair looks so oily, he's exposed to potion fumes more than anyone else here. I can't believe I didn't recognise him, he hasn't changed one bit. Although to be fair, I only ever saw him at a distance back when I was a student. As lifeless as I thought his voice was in the beginning, I couldn't help the thoughts that ran through my head. His voice was so silky and well, it was extremely sexy. I've never heard anything like it before. If velvet could speak, it would sound like Severus.

"In that case, it's a pleasure to meet you Severus." I replied whilst smiling which I'm sure just pissed him off but whatever. I'm genuinely happy to have met him and I don't see any reason to lie.

"You don't mean that. I don't need your kindness." He growled.

I blushed not knowing how he would take my reply and diverted my gaze back to my sketch.

"Actually I do. I've heard a lot about you and although most of it was what is perceived as 'bad', there were just as many good things."

Severus had gone silent, not quite believing what he was hearing. I lifted my gaze to meet his before I continued.

"Severus, I'm not being kind because I feel sorry for you. I'm being kind because that's how I treat everyone else and I don't see why I have to treat you differently. You say you don't need my kindness and that you don't want it but whether you like it or not you have it." I paused.

"Along with my friendship." I whispered softly with my head down, silently wondering if he heard the last part.

When I saw his eyes soften and a twitch on the corner of his lips, I knew that that he did. He didn't say a word to me for the majority of the ride instead he read The Daily Prophet. Only occasionally did I get the feeling he was watching me and even though I probably imagined it, I like to think that he was stealing glances.

It can't be that much further, I didn't remember it being such a long journey but maybe my mind just shortened it or time flew in good company. We were expected to get there sometime after nightfall. I was to say the least surprised when I looked out the window. It was nowhere near nightfall, there were still a few more hours of daylight left.

To my surprise the door slid open and in walked an older looking witch that used to be my Professor. She had insisted I call her Minerva now that we were colleagues but I was still slipping up. She was wearing her usual attire that consisted of a long sleeve robe that was secured with two buttons just above her waist and dark clothes underneath, along with her witch hat. I saw her eyes flick back and forth between Severus and I.

"I see you've met Severus, Allyce."

"Yes." I continued with my drawing not wanting to leave it unfinished.

"I trust he is treating you well?"

"He's been most polite, I look forward to working with him."

Minerva was slightly taken back with my answer and although Severus hadn't look up from his paper and still wore the same emotionless expression, it was obvious he heard every word.

"Is there a particular reas-"

"There you are! We've been looking all over for you, have you found them yet?"

A plump woman with curly grey hair and a kind face that didn't have the severity Minerva had stormed her way in, much to my discomfort. There was a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that had a strange suspicion they would be doing a lot of meddling. She wore the same attire as Minerva only her clothes were of various shades of brown and she had adorned a pair of leather gloves. As she took in her surroundings, Severus and I shared a look. Clearly I wasn't the only one suspicious.

I turned my attention back to her just as she made her way over to me.

"Oh dear, how rude of me. You just be the new Professor, I'm Pomona Sprout. I teach Herbology."

"Um.." I flipped over my sketch pad.

"I'm Allyce Somerhalder." I replied.

"It's very nice to meet you Allyce."

"Thanks?" I shot Severus a nervous glance but he had already turned his attention back to The Daily Prophet.

Just as I was recovering from this sudden visit someone else came in. Her hair was mostly grey but you could tell she used to be blonde. She wore a red, long sleeve dress and a white nursing apron along with a white cap that had a little veil at the back.

"Oh, hello dearie. You must be Allyce. We've heard so much about you."

"All good I hope. You must be Poppy."

"Indeed I am."

"Why don't you be a darling and sit next to Severus so the girls and I can sit here and talk about stuff you wouldn't be interested in?" asked Sprout.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. There's something fishy about them.

"Alright…"

I took my things and sat next to Severus, his body stiffened when I sat down but I supposed that's because I was sitting unusually close to him. There was probably only a couple of centimetres worth of space between us.

"Thank you so much!" said Sprout. Minerva and Poppy followed suit and sat down next to Sprout.

Minerva cast Muffliato over Severus and I so we wouldn't be able to hear their conversation. It wasn't long before the three of them were losing themselves in conversation whilst occasionally glancing over at us. They're probably going to meddle. Funny, when I was a student here and had Minerva as my teacher I'd never imagined she was the meddling type. Turning my sketch pad over again I thought intently for a moment. There's something not quite right about that snake. I've finished all the shading needed and done the finishing touches as well but I felt like it was lacking something.

I pursed my lips in concentration. Maybe if I hold it away from me I'll be able to figure it out.

"Wingardium leviosa."

My sketch pad hovered over my lap for a second before I pushed it back until it was in the middle of the room. It looked really good from a distance and it probably wasn't that bad up close either. Even from a distance I couldn't tell what was missing. Minerva and co. were looking at me curiously but didn't say anything and Severus…Well, I could have sworn since I sat down next to him he's been reading the same article over and over again.

"Severus?"

He grunted in response. Okay so not the answer I wanted but it was a start.

"Can you help me with something?"

"I'm busy" he grunted.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?" he snarled, the hostility clear in his voice.

"I just wanted to know what you thought of my sketch - particularly the snake. I think I will call it James."

I was greeted with silence as Severus refused to co-operate and continued pretending to read. Anger was starting to build up inside me which was just ridiculous because there's nothing to be angry about. He's starting to infuriate me. Hmph, I could alternatively ask Minerva but I wanted his opinion not hers.

I poked his arm while clearing my throat. Nothing happened so I kept it up. It soon became evident, this didn't bother him in fact he looked a little amused. I let out a sigh and brought my sketch back to my lap. However I was never much of a quitter. I put away my wand on my right side and poked him in the ribs. All I want is his opinion, is that too much to ask?

Immediately Severus glared at me. In that moment his eyes showed nothing but anger, he even went as far as to grind his teeth.

"What is it with you? You imbecile! Ask someone else and leave me in peace. I do not wish to be dragged into some fruitless conversation with _you_." He bellowed.

I swear his voice was bouncing off the walls. Minerva, Sprout and Poppy looked shocked and he probably scared a few of the students outside in the other compartments.

I rolled my eyes at him and folded my arms over my chest.

"You're going to have to do a whole lot better than that. I'm not one of your students, I'm not going to run away in tears. You don't scare me Severus Snape."

Severus was quite for a moment but the anger he held towards me hasn't faded much. I leaned back into my seat.

"All I wanted was your opinion." I muttered under my breath.

Severus' frown deepened as he grabbed my sketch pad out of my hands. I was about to ask him what he was doing but when I looked up he was staring intently at my sketch. The brief amount of contact left tingles that lingered on my fingertips. We sat like that for a few minutes, just me waiting impatiently as he judged my work. I'm always nervous whenever I have to show my work to anyone and with Severus that feeling only intensified. I couldn't explain it. After all I had only just met him so how could he have this effect on me?

I saw him gulp and his fingers tightened their grip on the edges of my sketch pad. He turned his head to look at me. Severus still kept up with his heartless façade but there was something different in his features. Was it distaste? Regret? Admiration? Severus scowled and he jammed my sketch pad back into my hands.

"There's nothing wrong with it." He sneered, clearly annoyed I had wasted his time. His obsidian orbs darkened slightly and his jaw tensed. From what I've seen, he's probably grinding his teeth in annoyance. My mouth fell open as I realised what it was I was missing. It needed a bit of Snape in it. Of course, how did I not realise it before? He was after all the head of Slytherin and although the other animals didn't need it, the snake did.

I quickly began furiously darkening the eyes, giving them more of a range of dark tones. Next I darkened some of the lines around its facial features to make the snake more angular and I even put a slight smirk on it. There, _now_ it's finished. I grinned, happy to have completed it before we reached Hogwarts. Haha, I still remember when I never did anything but draw. It was a miracle I got Outstanding in anything. Those were the days, now I'm lucky to complete two sketches in a month compared to ten or sometimes twenty.

Severus muttered something incoherent but being the curious person I am, I couldn't help but use a little Legilimency. I leaned back in my seat and started twirling my pencil in between my fingers as my sketch pad sat on my lap.

_Insolent girl….Doesn't know what she's getting into…Wasting my time with her petty questions…Must she ruin my solitude?_

For the second time that afternoon my mouth fell open but I managed to close it before everyone notice. Although I'm sure Severus noticed, even if he looked engrossed in The Daily Prophet. That man does not make it easy to be his friend. I don't know why people thought his cold exterior would make him any less human. His façade hasn't stopped him from judging me like countless others have before him.

I sneaked a glance at him, if he noticed he didn't show it. This year things are going to change. I'm going to make sure of it, starting with a certain Potions Master.


	2. A step in the right direction

_Thursday - 5:45pm_

_A couple of months have passed. I haven't seen Severus around much unless it's a staff meeting or Slytherin is playing Quidditch against one of the other houses. He doesn't even show up at dinner or any of the other meals in the Great Hall. Kelsier, one of Hogwarts house elves says that he prefers to eat in his quarters. He's been a great help but I wish he would stop calling me 'Mistress'. He belongs to Hogwarts not me. This is even worse than I'd expected. How am I going to befriend Severus if all he's doing is wallowing in his own self grief?_

_I remember when I was a first year. There was a fifth year that had decided to take me under her wing after I literally ran into her on my way to Transfiguration in the third term. Her name was Lily Evans. She spoke of times when she was younger and she was inseparable with a certain mysterious, lonely boy. When they were both sent off to Hogwarts, she was so happy that she wouldn't be alone. For a while everything was fine. They were still friends even though he was a Slytherin while she was a Gryffindor. When she told me what had happened between her and Severus I had vowed to help them. _

_Stupid I know but who could blame me? I was naïve and I always saw the best in people. The only difference between the person I was then and the person I am now is just that I'm less naïve. Lily died but before she did, I'd managed to convince James to allow Severus to write. It was extremely dangerous and at times an absurd thing to even consider, but it was well worth it to see the look on Lily's face - at least that what James would tell me._

_ We took every precaution we could think of and from what I understand the route his letters had to take to get to them was complex and changed all the time to avoid being followed. I was never there when they arrived but Lily would tell me about it the next day. I guess I should feel like I've done the impossible and back then I did, but things changed. _

_Lily wouldn't have wanted Severus to all alone like he pretty much is now. Even if he doesn't find love, I think that at least knowing that somebody cares is something he deserves. No one should have to feel like they're all alone._

I let a sigh escape my lips and closed my diary. Doing something creative helps me think but writing is something that usually helps me see things clearer. Although a lot of the time I find more questions than answers. My fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh years are getting closer and closer to mastering the Patronus charm.

It's taking a while but I know it'll be worth it in the end. Harry's been helping with his classmates since he had already mastered it last year so it's been going a lot smoother than I'd imagined. It is however a very difficult charm. So difficult that it is not taught in Charms but Dumbledore told me to do as I wish. They've all been working hard on it. I even see some of them practising by the Black Lake. At this rate, I think it'll only be another month before all of them will have mastered it, whether it be non-corporeal or corporeal.

I stood up and slid my diary back onto the bookshelf. I've been trying to figure out what to teach them next but nothing's been coming to mind. A little while back I'd thought that maybe I should teach them about the Unforgiveable curses but I don't think I want to actually show them what each curse does. They are after all unforgiveable for a reason. Maybe I should pay Severus a visit. I still haven't forgotten what he said about me but I can't deny that he is an expert in the field. Sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to and sometimes that means pushing pride aside.

I've already missed the beginning of dinner and since Kelsier said Severus usually ate in his quarters, he's probably there now. I brushed dust off my black skinny jeans and grabbed my cloak from my wardrobe. Recently I've become accustomed to wearing muggle clothes underneath my cloak which was very similar to muggle graduation robes. They were of course black and they enveloped my body so it's not like anyone ever saw my clothes. Today I was wearing jeans with a blue and white striped, V neck knitted sweater.

Hastily throwing on my cloak I fastened it by my left collarbone with a broach that was a star nested neatly into the crook of a crescent moon. I walked briskly through the empty corridors and down a couple of flights of stairs to his office. From what I remember it was adjacent to the Potions classroom which was halfway down the corridor to the dungeons. A small wave of chills climbed up my back making me shudder in the dim lit corridor.

I drew in a deep breath and forced the butterflies in my stomach to simmer down as I knocked on the wooden door.

"Enter" said a cold, emotionless voice. I sighed, slowly pushing the door open. Oh Severus, when are you going to learn that not everything is as bad as you make it out to be? That there are still things worth fighting for?

Severus looked up from his desk. All of the walls - including the wall behind his desk, were lined with jars of different ingredients and vials of various potions. On his desk was a rather large pile of marking that needed to be done. It looks like I may have come at a bad time.

"Ugh, did I interrupt anything important?"

"I'm busy. What do you want Miss Somerhalder?"

"You know my name is Allyce. I'm your colleague not your student."

"I will call you what I deem fit!" he bellowed as he slapped his hand on his desk, giving me the urge to flinch but I refused to give him that satisfaction.

"Now _what_ is it you want?"

"I was just wondering if maybe you could help me to plan a couple of lessons. It's my first time teaching and I'm not quite sure what would be best to teach each year level."

"You've had a couple of months to ask me for help why now?" He sneered, his distaste visible on his face.

I shifted stance feeling a bit uncomfortable and intimidated standing in front of his desk. No wonder his students make so many mistakes in his class. Who could concentrate when they have Severus breathing down their neck, deducting points for the oddest reasons?

"If I'm being honest…" My voice trailed off and I had to shift my gaze to one of the jars behind him before the butterflies started to simmer again.

"I was avoiding you and I was trying to figure it out myself which I only half did. So will you help me or not?"

"Why me?"

I gave him a weak smile.

"I know you would be better suited for the job anyway and I consider you an expert."

I could have sworn he briefly rolled his eyes at me but that could be my imagination. Severus busied himself, sorting out his stack of marking.

"7:30pm tomorrow night. Don't be late."

"Till then, Professor Snape."

He looked up just as I was about to turn and leave. I smirked at him in response and walked away. What? If that's how he's going to be, then two can play at that game.

Classes the next day had practically flown by. As I had assumed the fourth years had progressed more than the others which is of course all Harry's doing. The other years were trying just as hard but they weren't quite grasping it. My sixth and seventh years were working on strengthening their Patronuses while my fifth and fourth years were still trying to get the hang of executing the charm. I reckon it'll be another couple of months yet before they can all do it.

I looked up from my pile of marking and glanced at the clock. It read 7:25pm. Oh, you have got to be kidding me. I'm almost late. I threw on my cloak over the simple, long sleeve black dress I wore with a V neck and an asymmetrical hemmed skirt. Fastening it the same way I had done yesterday I was good to go. I just about ran down the hallways just so I wouldn't have to suffer one of his lectures. I ran down the stairs and briskly walked to Severus' office.

When I got to the door my heart rate had quickened so I took a breather and waited for it to come back to its normal pace. Phew, that was a close one. I knocked three times on the wooded door. To my surprise Severus opened the door. He was about a head taller than me and he still wore the same clothes I'd seen him in on the train ride.

"You're late." Severus stepped out of the way and walked over to his desk.

"You have got to be kidding me. By how much?" I asked as I followed him in.

"A minute" grumbled Severus.

I rolled my eyes at him as I took the seat opposite him.

"Lighten up, Professor. It was only a minute."

He blatantly stared at me.

"I assume you haven't got your things with you."

I looked at Severus confused. What? Oh, right I forgot my folder when I rushed down here.

"Actually I do." I replied smugly, earning an amused look from him. There was something in his eyes that told me he wanted to use Legilimency on me. Oh no you don't. I imagined a second ward in front of the one I already had in place and imagined myself strengthening both of them. There, let's see you try and get past that.

_Accio planning folder. _

A black binder appeared in my hands which thankfully were hidden from his view by his desk. I put it on his desk and opened it. Inside were seven 1B8 exercise books, one for each year level.

"How do you want to do this, Professor?"

"Show me what you've attempted so far."

I snatched my binder off his desk and hugged it to my body.

"Um, I really just needed to know if the topics I chose were okay or not."

"Give me the binder you insolent girl!"

Oh, so now he wants to help me? I raised an eyebrow at his tone but gave him the binder nonetheless.

"By the way, it's insolent _woman_ or Professor not girl."

Severus ignored my comment and proceeded to flick through my binder, while I sat there fidgeting. I pulled my cloak tighter around my body. It felt like the temperature dropped a couple of degrees in the last minute or so. However Severus did not seem to mind the cold, although he is probably wearing more than me, seeing as my dress my made out of cotton.

I could feel a shiver coming on but I refused to show it. Being the stubborn person I am I didn't want him to know it was bothering me. I wish Kelsier was here, maybe he could bring me a hot drink. Maybe some tea? There was a pop on my right and there was Kelsier with a steaming cup of tea.

"Kelsier, what are you doing here?"

"Mistress wanted some tea." He said handing it to me. I took it grateful for this little piece of luck. I don't know how he knew but I'm glad he did.

"Thank you Kelsier."

"Is there anything else Kelsier can do for Miss?"

Severus was still scrutinising my notes, I couldn't tell what he was thinking but to be honest I don't think I want to know.

"Professor Snape, do you want something?"

"What?" He snapped.

"I just asked if you wanted Kelsier to get you anything?"

"No" he growled.

I let out a sigh. I swear that man doesn't understand the concept of emotions.

"Alright, that'll be all Kelsier."

With his dismissal Kelsier popped out of sight and probably back to the kitchen. After what seemed like forever Severus finally met my eyes and seemed to have finished criticising my notes. I waited for him to speak, unsure what kind of response I would get if I asked him. Probably a sarcastic one.

"Why are you teaching students fourth year and up the Patronus charm?"

"I think it's something they should learn especially after the Dementor outbreak last year and with a war about to break out any minute now, you can't be too careful."

"The Patronus charm is an extremely difficult spell, it is not one to be taught lightly."

"I am well aware of that Professor Snape. However as Mr Potter has already mastered it last year I felt it was unfair and unrealistic for others, to have to rely on him in the unfortunate case of a Lethifold attack."

"A rare thing Ms Somerhalder. The od-"

Hmm, 'Ms' eh? Well at least he's not calling me 'Miss' like one of his students, that's got to be some kind of step up right?

"You can't put a price on someone's life Professor. Although the odds are not high, we can't be sure of anything especially when the Dark Lord still lives."

"Very well, Ms Somerhalder. I have nothing more to discuss with you."

I stared at him in shock. What the hell just happened? Severus' lip curled making me slightly more uncomfortable. Well, he certainly looks like a villain. I can see why the students thought he was a deatheater.


	3. Start of something new

I never got my binder back from Severus but that was okay since I remembered everything and besides it just gives me a reason to go see him again. Discarding my most recent sketch which were my fail attempts at combining a lion and a snake, I headed off to Severus' office for the third time this week.

Unlike the other couple of times, the corridors were full of chatty students just having a good time with their friends. I knocked on his door and waited for his reply.

"Come in Mrs Somerhalder."

"How did you know it was me?" I asked as I sat down in the same chair as I did the night before.

"As you can imagine I don't get many visitors. You seem to be the only one ignorant enough to pursue anything more than a professional relationship."

"Just so you know if you're going to address me like one of your students, it's _Ms_ Somerhalder. I'm not married or seeing anyone. Also, I will take that as a compliment. I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt especially when they already have so many rumours about them. And it's not unusual for colleagues to be friends. You're going to be stuck with me for a while yet."

He mumbled something about me being a fool or insolent girl. It was one or the other. There might have been something in there about me talking too much as well.

"Here."

Severus pushed my binder towards me. I stared at it for a moment or two, this was not going well. At first I wanted to be friends because that's what Lily would have wanted but, now I want to be friends because he's unlike anyone I've ever known. Yet here he is pushing me away as far as possible.

"That is what you came for, is it not?" Severus asked, a little puzzled at my reaction.

"Um, no yeah it is." My voice was so quiet I barely heard it myself. I clutched my binder close to me and started walking away. Just as I got to the door I stopped and looked back to find Severus slightly puzzled.

"Actually, Professor Snape?"

"What is it now Ms Somerhalder?" Any sign of the confusion he felt completely left his face.

"I was wondering if maybe you would…"My voice trailed off and I almost slapped myself for being so nervous. It's not going to be a date, I just want to know him a little better. So why am I so nervous?

"Spit it out you wretched girl."

"I wanted to know if you would accompany me on a walk around the school sometime." I answered softly, my voice subtly pleading him to say yes.

"No."

"Awh come on, just one walk. It won't even mean anything, just want to know you a little better okay?"

"What will I get out of it?"

I paused. That was very Slytherin-like of him but he's got a point. He's skilled in both Legilimency and Occlumency so what else have I got to offer? I don't have any other magical skills but there must be something. I got it.

"How about you spend Christmas with me?"

"And why would that please me?" He scoffed.

"Well, you can either spend it with me or be locked up in the school away from my friend's dragon farm."

Severus raised an eyebrow at me. I wasn't sure if he was stunned or what so I used Legilimency and found out for sure.

_Dragon farm?... young and inexperienced as herself…connections… Impossible...Foolish girl…Lies_

I coughed which seemed to be sufficient in getting his attention back.

"I'm not young and inexperienced or if I am, I'm not as young as you think I am. I'm thirty, Professor and just so you know I had always regretted not getting to know you when we were younger."

With that I left the room, if he didn't want to be friends that was fine. His behaviour was tiring anyway. If he wants to take that walk, he knows where to find me.

Later that night, I tossed and turned in my bed. It wasn't unusual for me to be a bit of an insomniac, in fact it was common knowledge among most people I knew and tonight was no different to any other night. When I stayed with Xeno and Luna I would often walk around at night with my Patronus flying around as a precaution. Mine was an owl and after I learnt how to become an Animagus that's exactly what I transformed into. It was pretty useful but I have to admit I don't spend a lot of time in my owl form.

I pushed my duvet back and grudgingly got out of bed. Maybe I just need to walk it off, it won't be too cold tonight. The night air had previously helped before so I was hopeful. I fastened my cloak over my black singlet and pink, tweety bird boxers before I stepped out, closing the door behind me.

Hmm, where should I go? Before I knew it, my legs pulled me into the direction of the black lake. It was always my favourite part of the school. Whenever I needed to think or some peace and quiet this was where I went. My hair must be in unruly waves by now. They always when I woke up but I never minded because it was only the ends that curled up and it actually suited me. A cool breeze swept past my neck. I shivered and swept my hair to the side. It was colder than I thought it would be and right now the only thing the night air is doing is keeping me awake.

I was standing on the edge of the lake. The waves rose and fell mere centimetres in front of me. Even though I'm a Witch I've always enjoyed the artistic way of life. I would draw, paint, write, play music, sing, pretty much anything to express myself. Turning around I glanced at the castle behind me, it was really peaceful out here away from the school. I walked up a metre or three from the lake and turned to my left.

"Accio Grand piano."

My voice travelled with the night air. A beautiful, black grand piano stood in front of me along with a wooden piano bench. I sat down and wrapped my cloak around me. My hair was flying in almost every direction but it calmed down as the wind died. There were still a few breezes flying about but nothing strong enough to blow my hair into my face. My fingers lightly brush across the keys. It's been such a long time since I've played, so many songs to pick from. I decided to pick a fun, little rock number. 'Livin' On A Prayer' by Bon Jovi, such a classic.

I smiled as my fingers flew across the keys, hitting every note of the intro.

"Tommy used to work on the docks  
Union's been on strike  
He's down on his luck

it's tough, so tough"

My voice wasn't as suited for the song as Jon Bon Jovi's was but I could still belt out the lyrics just as well.

"Gina works the diner all day  
Working for her man, she brings home her pay  
For love - for love

She says

We've got to hold on to what we've got  
It doesn't make a difference  
If we make it or not  
We've got each other and that's a lot  
For love - we'll give it a shot

Ohhh, We're half way there

Ohhh, oh Livin' on a prayer  
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear  
Ohhh, oh Livin' on a prayer"

I couldn't help the stupid grin that found its way on my face. It felt so good I found myself being the happiest I'd ever been since I got here.

"Tommy got his six string in hock  
Now he's holding in what he used  
To make it talk - so tough, it's tough

Gina dreams of running away  
When she cries in the night  
Tommy whispers: Baby it's okay, someday  
We've got to hold on to what we've got  
It doesn't make a difference  
If we make it or not  
We've got each other and that's a lot  
For love - we'll give it a shot

Ohhh, We're half way there  
Ohhh, oh Livin' on a prayer  
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear  
Ohhh, oh Livin' on a prayer  
Livin' on a prayer

Ooooh, We've got to hold on ready or not  
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got  
Ohhh, We're half way there  
Ohhh, oh Livin' on a prayer  
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear  
Livin' on a prayer"

My voice trailed off with the piano, signalling the end. An applause snapped my attention to my right. Severus was standing there in his usual attire and he was_ clapping_ for me? Is that praise?

"That was well done Ms Somerhalder. May I inquire as to why you're not in your quarters?" My heart clenched slightly at the sound of his voice. I could barely breathe with the butterflies in my stomach. You know, when he wasn't mad or annoyed his voice is actually quite alluring. It just about sent chills down my spine.

"I could ask you the same thing Professor Snape but I already know the answer."

He seemed amused by my answer. I would be too if someone said that to me.

"Is that so?" He drawled.

"Yup, you're a bit predictable. I have twenty galleons that say you were roaming the corridors looking for the occasional student breaking curfew."

Severus rolled his eyes at me and walked to my side. I shifted over so he could sit which he did so without asking.

"Yes, because I live to give those dunderheads detentions." He replied sarcastically.

"Really? I thought it was because you liked to scare the students, but I suppose your explanation makes more sense." I teased, playing along.

"You still haven't answered my question, Ms Somerhalder."

"I'm a bit of an insomniac and tonight was just another one of those nights so I came out her to clear my head. And you Professor Snape?"

He turned his back on me. If he was capable of emotion he might have blushed but in the moonlight it was impossible to tell. The slight tinge of red on his cheeks as he turned away from me might have existed and it might not have.

Severus took in a deep breath, watching him made me wonder if he was having one of those 'It's now or never' moments.

"I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk." He grunted. I smiled widely at him.

"I thought you'd never ask."

He turned back to face me, surprise and shock showed evidently on his face.

"W-what?"

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him since I know he wasn't used to company.

"I, Ms Somerhalder would love to take a walk with you, Professor Snape. Was that clear enough?"

He didn't respond causing me to worry.  
"That is unless you've changed your mind of course." I quickly added.

"No, I haven't."

He seemed to remember where we were. I was worried I'd lost him for a minute there.

"You played beautifully by the way." Severus said softly in a calm voice I'd never heard him speak in before. I blushed and looked down at the keys, my hands began fidgeting with the edge of my cloak to calm my nerves.

"Um, thank you. Se-Professor. Would you like me to play something?"

"Stop calling me that." He growled.

"Stop calling you what Professor?" I asked innocently. I may be pushing it a bit but can't hurt for him to clarify a bit.

"Must I spell it out for you. Stop calling me Professor, you are not my student. My name is Severus."

"Alright, but only if you call me Allyce from here on out."

"Agreed."

"Any requests Severus?" It felt good to be able to say his name out loud again. You never realise how much you miss something until it's gone – even if it is something as small as a name.

"No."

"Alright, I'll play something and we can go for a walk if you want. Sound good?"

If I was expecting an answer I wasn't going to get one. Severus turned around so like me, he was facing the piano keys. He watched as I started playing the intro. My smile never left my face, I was just really happy and excited which is weird seeing as it's the middle of the night.

I didn't sing this time. I just played 'Start Of Something New' written by my good friends Matthew Gerrard and Robbie Nevil. The lyrics are quite sappy and romantic which are another two things Severus won't like. At least I'm pretty sure he won't like it, he comes off as more of a pessimistic. You know the cynical kind where in their world, there are no happy endings.

I was grateful for my cloak the very second I started playing as it covered the scars that marred my wrists. They were my secret. A constant reminder of where I've been and how dark the world can be. About halfway through the song, I found myself subconsciously murmuring the lyrics.

"Now who'd have thought that

We'd both be here tonight?

And the world looks so much brighter

With you by my side

I know that something has changed

Never felt this way

I know it for real

This could be the

Start of something new

It feels so right

To be here with you…"

My voice trailed off as I realised that Severus was sitting right next to be. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks that blushed so easily. Did he hear me singing along? Was I singing quiet enough to avoid detection? Focus, Allyce. Just keep playing, everything will work itself out. I still had another minute or so before the song ended but I decided to skip a bit and then play out the end. Transitioning it with an impromptu group of notes that fitted in, I covered the gap so it wasn't likely he noticed and cut the piece short.

I took pressure off the piano keys and paused for a moment before I placed my hands in my lap and faced Severus.

"What was that song you played?"

"Nothing, it's something a couple of my friends wrote. They're hoping to use it in some kind of musical but they haven't found the right one. It's a bit of a stupid song when you think about it but it seemed fitting to play it even though it doesn't have any depth."

Severus stood up. I hadn't noticed it before but I liked the way the light bounced off the water and onto his clothes. They contrasted nicely against the black and I became entranced before I snapped myself out of it. He held out his hand which I gladly took and lifted me off my feet. I gave me another smile and looped my arm in his – which he didn't mind even though he looked a bit uncomfortable. Turning around I sent the piano back to wherever it was it came from before and fell in step with Severus.

Neither of us spoke. That seems to be a re-occurring thing with us. We fall into these lapses of silence but neither of us seemed to mind and it's not awkward. I don't feel that need to fill the silence like I normally would. We walked to the Quidditch pitch and back through to the quad. I heard the sounds of the night life, the insects, the wind and the water. I'd forgotten how much Hogwarts changed at night. This was when you could really appreciate the beauty of the grounds rather than rushing past it like most of us do during the day.

At some point my grip had tighten on Severus' arm and I could feel how toned they were which made some…let's say 'interesting' images spring to mind. If Severus noticed how my grip had tightened, the blush the followed afterwards, or the little shake of my head, he didn't show it. His face still wore the same uninviting, cold façade he was known for.

We reached the door to my quarters all too soon.

"Thanks for the walk, Severus."

He leaned in to my ear. His breath grazed the nape of my neck sending a tingle of excitement in my stomach.

"You are most welcome Allyce."

Was he enjoying this? Could he see just what's he's doing to me?

"Severus, do you want to come in? There's something I want you to listen to."

He nodded in agreement and I lead him inside. I was going to perform it at the talent quest Albus was getting me to organise as a house challenge but maybe it was a bit personal for that. Who knows maybe I can rope him into a duet, that could be quite fun. Well, it would be if it wasn't so uncharacteristic of him. I sat on the edge of my bed and motioned for him to join me.

"Accio piano keyboard"

A black Yamaha piano keyboard appeared in front of Severus and I on a stand.

"This is actually two songs put together but I made my own changes to the music and some of the lyrics. It's 'Lullaby' and 'Gotta Be Somebody' by a muggle band called Nickelback. You haven't heard of them, have you?"

"No"

"I arranged it with you in mind so just keep an open mind and don't get offended because that's the last thing I intended to do."

Before he could respond I started playing and let the music fill the room. I didn't have the same course voice as their lead singer so I had to make do with what I had and alter it to fit my voice which was a lot softer. Sure, I could still sing songs that had an edge but the message that was to be carried wouldn't have suited it.

I started off timid and quiet but my voice gradually found its way through the second verse.

"Well, I know the feeling

Of finding yourself stuck out on a ledge

And there ain't no healing

From cutting yourself with the jagged edge

I'm telling you that

It's never that bad

Take it from someone who's been where you're at

Laid out on the floor

And you're not sure

You can take this anymore

'cause nobody wants to be the last one there

And everyone wants to feel like someone cares

'cause nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they're not alone

If you can hear me now

I'm reaching out

To let you know that you're not alone

And you can't tell

I'm scared as hell

'cause I can't get you on the telephone

So just close your eyes

Well honey, here comes a lullaby

Your very own lullaby"

The next verses came as a surprise for me. I hadn't meant to change it any more than I'd already had but it felt right.

"Tonight, out in the cold out in the moonlight

And dammit this feels too right

It's just like déjà vu

Me standing here with you

So I was holding my own breath

Could this be the end?

Is it this moment when

I'll find the one I'll spend forever with?

Please let me take you

Out of the darkness and into the light

'Cause I have faith in you

That you're gonna make it through another night

Well, everybody's hit rock bottom

And everybody's been forgotten

When everybody's tired of being alone

Yeah, everybody's been abandoned

And left a little empty handed

So if you're barely hanging on

Just give it one more try

To a lullaby

And turn this up on the radio

If you can hear me now

I'm reaching out

To let you know that you're not alone

And you can't tell

I'm scared as hell

'cause I can't get you on the telephone

So just close your eyes

Well honey, here comes a lullaby

Your very own lullaby

Well honey, here comes a lullaby

Your very own lullaby"

I returned the keyboard and got up to my bookshelf. A little light reading should help lure sleep in. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Severus stand up and when I turned there was a glint in his eye. Was it a trick of the light? Why does it matter? How is it I can't help but stare?

"It's late. I'll be leaving now."

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll see you around then."

Walking over to him I slipped a book into his hand as we reached the door.

"It's something a friend of mine gave me awhile back."

He studied the book in question. It was a fairly small book as it would fit in the palm of your hand and only about seventy pages. There was no title or even the name of the author. It was made out of leather and hand stitched with red thread.

"It mainly covers dark creatures from the time of the founders. I thought you might like it for a bit of light reading."

"Thank you, Allyce."

I smiled at him in return and tiptoed to press me lips against his cheek. His skin felt like ice but that was to be expected. My lips didn't linger on his skin like I wanted them to instead I leaned into his ear.

"You're welcome, Severus."

He nodded, flustered by my actions and carried on out the door. As I shut the door behind him I didn't bother to try and stop the chortle rising in my throat. I can't believe I just made Severus Snape flustered. Going for that walk was one of the best things I ever did. That night I had one of the best sleeps in a long time.


	4. Strange Tides

A few months had passed since I had played for Severus. After that night those walks in the middle of the night turned into routine and soon he was showing up at my door like clockwork. We never talked about the song I played for him but I think it's better that way. He didn't really seem comfortable afterwards and I didn't want to push him into something he wasn't ready for, so I backed off a little as well.

It was now the beginning of August and finally after so much of my free time sacrificed to plan it, we were going ahead with the talent quest. It was going to be a tight squeeze with the Triwizard tournament but it'll work.

I sat on Severus' right at the staff table in my cloak. It was strange but after he found me at the black lake he began to show up at the meals and eat at the staff table. Even though it intrigued me I never questioned it in case he reverted back to his old ways. The students were piling in, excitement on most of their faces as they sat down for dinner. They had been told there would be a secret house competition for points towards the House Cup but, none had a clue what it was. Dumbledore rose to speak.

"As you all may know Professor Somerhalder has kindly organised a competition of sorts for all students to take part in. I will step down now and Professor Somerhalder will explain the rules."

I bit my lip nervously. Crowds were not my thing. I'd rehearsed what I needed to say in front of a mirror but I was still nervous. Oh well, I guess it will be good practise since I'm going to be the MC for talent quest. Standing up I let out the breath I was holding in and started to speak.

"Well, I thought it might be fun to start a challenge where you could compete for house points. I've decided we will be doing a talent quest. There are sign-up sheets just outside the Great Hall. All students are eligible to enter and a talent by definition is an ability. So that means anything from singing and dancing to a circus act or even stand-up comedy. There will be three prizes. The winner will receive seventy points to their house and the next two runner ups will both receive fifty points. For the purpose of this competition I have to say that although you may compete in a group as large of a number as you wish, all members must be in the same house."

A few of the students started complaining but they soon grew silent and I suspect that had something to do with the glare Severus was giving them.

"Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall will of course be the judges with my assistance. The talent quest will be held at the end of the month so the last day for you to sign up will be the 28th. All the terms and conditions along with anything I've missed out will be posted next to the sign-up sheets. That'll be all."

I sat back down and lifted my goblet of amber liquid to my lips. As I took a sip I didn't realise that the edge of my cloak had slid down my wrist, exposing my scars to Severus. Butterflies started up in my stomach making me panic. It only got worse when I saw Severus scowl and his hands clenched into a fist. The amber liquid became thick in my mouth. I gulped, forcing it to go down. This was not going well, I hadn't intended for him or anyone to ever find out.

The only person here who knew about my past was Albus and that was only because he was the one who helped me get back on track. I nervously pulled on my cloak so it covered my wrists and mumbled an excuse before I walked out. Walking briskly to the corridor I was barely pausing to breathe. Not to mention very naïve to think that maybe Severus wouldn't follow me. I managed to get to the foyer at the bottom of the stairs nearest to the Great Hall before I felt someone grip onto my arm and jerk me back. Stumbling, a pair of arms in black clothing surrounded me and pulled me close, refusing to let go.

Severus.

A familiar spark made me smile despite the unfortunate turn of events. I allowed myself to rest my head on his chest near his neck and closed my eyes. I'm a little ashamed to admit that I did that thing girls do and I sniffed him. Bad, I know right? I couldn't pin point the scents he reminded me of so I just noted it was just Severus. To be fair how else would you have described it? I felt safe here in his arms. I didn't want to leave.

Severus dropped his arms and I took a step back. He was still holding my left wrist, his thumb caressing the scars as if to make sure they were real.

"Who did this to you?" He snarled, the words were barely audible through his teeth.

I snatched my wrist out of his grip and dropped it to my side. You don't owe him anything, Allyce. He doesn't need to know. I have to admit we were close. Sometimes we do talk on our walks but not always and never about our pasts. After all of these years I still find it difficult to think about it, let alone share it with someone else.

"It's…nothing, Severus. No one." I whispered. With that I turned and left before he could catch me. I had tried to make my voice at least sound strong but I failed that pretty evidently. When the door to my quarters finally came into view I felt a little bit of hope that instantly lifted my mood. Severus wasn't following me which was a good sign. As I lay in bed that night I was woken up by a familiar sound and I knew it was Midnight. A tear slid down my cheek. Even after I pushed him away, he still showed up.

No matter how much I wanted to I couldn't let him in. The memories were painful. There was a reason I acted like nothing bad had ever happened to me – like I'd never been tainted.

The knocks came in groups of three with intervals of one minute. I clutched my duvet to my chest as the tears silently rolled by. It reminded me of how Lily told me if they were ever in disagreement, Severus would sleep outside the Gryffindor common room so he could apologise even if it wasn't his fault. I counted how many times Severus knocked before I heard his footsteps disappear down the corridor.

Fifty-six.

Fifty-six groups of three.

He knocked fifty-six times before giving up.

The tears kept pouring out. My heart ached for his comfort even though I knew he wouldn't know what to do. I wanted to feel his strong arms around me as well as the beating of his heart. My mind flashbacked to a night not long ago when Severus and I were taking our usual walk.

_The moon shone down at us as my owl patronus flew around us. Severus had been curious as to what form my patronus was so I showed him. I was still holding onto his arm even though it was strangely warm tonight. Night by night Severus' cold demeanour melted ever so slightly but it seems this was only the case when he was with me._

_Tonight, he led me to the Black Lake. We stopped close to the shoreline and he looked down on me with curiosity._

_"How do you do it?" He inquired._

_"Do what?"_

_"Make me say things I don't want to."_

_I was taken aback by his question. We had definitely become close but I didn't realise that he was thinking the same thing. I too was wondering why every time I was with this man, I had wanted nothing more than to show him exactly who I am. I didn't want to live in deceit and secrecy anymore, I wanted to be free. To have someone know my secrets and still want to stay._

_"I-I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't realise I had that effect on you." I turned my head away from his eyes that had narrowed as if to determine whether or not I was lying. I could feel him at the edge of the wards I had put up, just poking around trying to gain entry. They were too strong for him to penetrate but I felt he had the right to know at the very least, if I was lying. I dimmed my wards but only enough for him to separate the lies from the truth._

_He must have noticed my discomfort as he didn't press the matter. Instead he opted to carry on as if nothing had happened, but it wasn't the same. As he led me back to my quarters it was like a veil of silence had been cast over us. It was eerily quiet. I felt disorientated, nothing was making sense and I didn't know why. _

I hadn't realised it before but now as I think back on it, I can't believe it was there all along. Severus and I would have never worked out. It was just some fantasy that was never meant to see the light of day. An illusion to lose myself in. There's no room for friendship with a tainted soul, let alone love. Could that be it? Was that why I felt so compelled to let him in? Am I in love with him?

My eyes widened with surprised. No, I couldn't be. We're just friends. Two people enjoying each other's company, nothing more. I wasn't the right girl for him. He needed no, he _deserved_ someone better. Someone pure, innocent, loving, beautiful – someone like Lily. It's too bad their hearts just didn't belong.

He could never love me, not like the way he or James loved Lily. Let's face it. He will always hold Lily on a much greater plane than anyone else. There was a time when she and I were alike but that was a long time ago and even then she still shone so much brighter. I cursed myself for being so stupid. It shouldn't have even gotten to this stage. Why couldn't I see the signs?

I should have never gotten so close to Severus, should have never insisted we be friends. I sighed in defeat. There's nothing I can do now. What's done is done. I can't re-write history or erase my past but I know I can change the future. It was a lesson that Albus had drilled into me over and over when he was helping me move forward.

I turned to my side and wrapped my duvet around me. There couldn't be any more Midnight walks or anything other than 'colleague behaviour', it was too big of a risk. I can't go back. He might not understand it but that's the way it has to be. I closed my eyes willing sleep to come. You didn't need to be an expert in Divination to know there's going to be tears, sorrow, and even heartbreak tomorrow. I was going to need a lot of luck and willpower just to make it through the morning.

Clearing my mind I listened to my breathing. It was deep and calm just as it should be but, I found myself missing the times it had skipped a beat or sped up in anticipation. Nothing had ever happened between us but somehow the hopeless romantic in me found its way out. It blinded me from what was really happening. It kept me in the dark as it made me fall in love with him and feel something I never even knew existed.

The worst part of it all was that it had tricked me. It had made me dismiss all those butterflies and sparks as my own imagination. To think I was so foolish and blinded that I couldn't even tell left from right, it was scary. I never want to feel like that again. I won't be the one that's vulnerable and needs saving. There's no way I want to even think about being in that position again. I was no damsel in distress nor will I ever care to be.

A pounding in my head woke me up a good half hour before breakfast. I suppose I should be lucky I managed to sleep for so long but I wasn't. Groaning in pain I clumsily climbed out of bed and into the bathroom, looking for something to make the pounding stop. I must have slept funny last night or knocked my head on my bedside table. My head was spinning and everything was a bit of a haze, I wasn't even sure what day it was. I blinked a couple of times trying to snap myself out of my daze.

I threw on a black floor length dress with a boat neckline and sleeves that opened up at the ends. It fitted me quite snugly and was made with a mixture of cotton and wool so, it was a good choice for a cold day like this. I wore converse shoes as usual but this time I had gone with black, knee length boot converse with laces that went right up to the top and had a zip at the back. They were my favourite shoes and I only wore them when I needed a little extra boost of confidence. There was of course always the option of taking Felix Felicis for a bit of luck but that's a bit extreme.

Eating breakfast soon turned into an almost impossible task. Not only did I have to sit next to Severus and Albus but the other Professors had started to stare. Severus didn't utter a word to me but halfway through my porridge he flicked a note onto my lap. I discreetly took it in my hand under the watchful gaze of Minerva as I took another mouthful of porridge.

Part of me was afraid to know what it said but the rest of me _needed _to know. Giving in to my curiosity at the table was probably not the smartest thing to do when others were already suspecting something but what the hell. According to a rumour DADA Professors haven't lasted more than a year since the Dark Lord was rejected for the position, so I might as well make an impression.

My hands shook a little as I unfolded the scrap of parchment and read it under the table with my head bowed. I don't know why I was trying to hide it, it's not like it wasn't obvious. Oh well, things like that just happen. In the spidery scrawl that I have come to know and love was not the message I was expecting.

Potions classroom.

5:30pm

Don't be late.

I frowned and crumpled the note before letting it drop to the ground.

Typical.

I don't know what else I expected. Of course, he wanted to talk – at least I think that's what he wants to do. I bit my bottom lip as I thought about what to do. Meeting him _alone_ would surely be a mistake. Even if I only went there to push him away I know it just isn't a good idea to be alone with him. Especially after I realised that I might, possibly be falling in love with him. I leaned down and retrieved the crumpled piece of parchment I had discarded. Reaching into cloak I pulled out a blue muggle pen that had been on the same belt used to secure my wand.

They really came in handy in times like these. On the back of Severus' message I wrote:

I can't, I promised my 5th years and up that they would get their marks back before the weekend. I still have yet to make a dent in the pile.

I folded the parchment in half and held it out to him underneath the table between two of my fingers. Severus scowled but he took it and unlike me didn't try to hide it whilst he read. His eyes narrowed at no one in particular and his left hand clenched into a fist. I forced myself to finish the last of my porridge knowing that I would need the energy. As soon as the last bit of it slid down my throat, I excused myself from the table and left. It was unusual that I hadn't stayed a little longer to chat among the staff but I could make up for that later.

Severus' anger seemed to grow with every second. I don't want to have to deal with him so I'll just eat in my quarters for a while. It can't be that bad if Severus's did it for years besides it's not like I was required at the table. I still have about half an hour before students started arriving so I grabbed my songbook and flicked through it at my desk. Don't get the wrong idea, I don't write songs. My 'songbook' is just a collection of muggle songs that I like with the sheet music and lyrics. It was a thick clear plastic folder with a green clip to keep the sheets of paper in place. Albus asked me to perform so the students wouldn't get restless as the judges deliberated.

There were so many choices I didn't even know where to start. Hmm, Hiding My Heart by Adele is a good song. It always reminds me of Severus and Lily. If I re-word it into third person narrative it could turn out really good. It would change the meaning of the song a little but this can just me my version.

_Accio piano keyboard._

The very same black Yamaha piano keyboard that had appeared when I had played for Severus was sitting on my desk. I grinned and began to play the song I knew so well. My voice was soft and at this point I didn't care if students started piling in. I put everything I could into this song, all the pain I've ever felt and every tear I've ever shed.

"This is how the story went

He met someone by accident

It blew him away, blew him away

It was in the darkest of his days

When she took his sorrow and she took his pain

And buried them away, buried them away

He wished he could lay down beside her when the day is done

And wake up to her face against the morning sun

But like everything he's ever known, she disappears one day

So he spends his whole life hiding his heart away"

The song was raw. It was emotional, it meant so much more than just words on paper. My voice started to break but I forced myself to keep going.

"See her off at the train station

Put a kiss on top of his head

Watch him wave, she watched him wave

Then she went on home to her skyscrapers

Neon lights and waiting papers

That she calls home, she calls that home

He wished he could lay down beside her when the day is done

And wake up to her face against the morning sun

But like everything he's ever known, she disappears one day

So he spends his whole life hiding his heart away

He woke up feeling heavy hearted

He's going back to where he started

The morning rain, the morning rain

And though he wishes she were here

On that same old road that brought him here

It's calling him home, it's calling him home

He wished he could lay down beside her when the day is done

And wake up to her face against the morning sun

But like everything he's ever known, she disappears one day

So he spends his whole life hiding his heart away

And he can spend his whole life hiding his heart away"

I rested my fingers on top of the keys. A flicker of movement drew my attention to the door. There standing with her blue eyes and bouncy, blonde curls that nearly came to her waist was Luna Lovegood.

"Luna, come sit." I greeted warmly. It didn't matter if she heard the song or not. She was in Ravenclaw and undoubtedly one of the wisest people I know. Strange, yes but that doesn't make it any less true. She was also one of the only students I called by their first name, mainly because she is my goddaughter. Luna walked to one of the desk in the front row and actually sat adjacent from me. I smiled at her and my arms on my desk, pushing the keyboard away.

"Okay. What were you singing?"

"That was my version of 'Hiding My heart" by a muggle singer called Adele. Brilliant musician."

"You sounded really good. What does it mean to you?"

"Um, well…It's just reminded me of…a…professor here and a girl I used to know."

"Oh. I almost forgot Professor Snape asked me to give this to you."

She handed me another scrap piece of parchment. I read it as Luna went back to her seat.

I can help. I am not incompetent in the Dark Arts.

Don't I know it. I turned it over and using a quill wrote a reply.

That won't be necessary.

I summoned Kelsier.

"Mistress?"

"Kelsier, take this to Professor Snape please. It's important."

"Yes, Mistress." He replied and disappeared with a poof.

Luna set up her books before lifting her head up to speak. Her eyes made me feel on the spot, it was as though she could see right through me.

"Do you love him?"  
"Love who, Luna?"

"Professor Snape" She said it so casually as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I sat up and looked at her in wonder. How did she know? Flustered, I decided to act like that was the craziest thing I'd ever heard.

"Me and Professor Snape?" I asked. Luna just nodded waiting for me to continue.

"Whatever gave you that idea? We work together so we're colleagues, nothing more Luna."

My fingers played a random tune as I awaited Luna's reaction. She had tilted her head slightly and looked confused.

"I thought it was obvious." She mused.

"What?" I asked suddenly intrigued to hear what she had to say.

"Well, he never used to be at meal times unless it was a special event like the Halloween and the Welcoming feast."

I raised an eyebrow. Is that really all it took for her to start piecing everything together? I gestured to her to continue. We still had a few minutes left.

"And he's very protective of you. You're the only one he willingly spends time with. He's happier." She paused allowing her words to sink in.

"Both of you are."

"That's quite a deduction, Luna."

She merely nodded at me. I do trust her after all I am her godmother but I don't know if I'm quite ready. Admitting it would just make it more real and I quite like having it float between reality and fantasy. I drew in a deep breath, if anyone could keep a secret it was Luna.

"Okay, you win. Who have you told?"

"No one. I didn't think you would like it if I did."  
"You have a point there."

"Does this mean it's a yes?"

I sighed, however she does it I don't know but I'm glad to have someone to talk to even if it is my fourteen year old goddaughter.

"Yes, it does. Not that it changes anything. It would never work out Luna so I'm sorry but you're going to have to wait a little longer to start planning a wedding."

She smiled sympathetically at me just as the rest of the class started to pile in. We shared a look and in that moment as everyone took their seat, I was surprised to find that Luna would not be letting this go. I should have known Luna would have seen the changes but I never gave it a second thought. The fact that she looked so determined only proved to me that I wasn't the only one who couldn't remember the last time I was ever this happy.


	5. Revelations

I felt horrible about avoiding Severus but it had to be done. I wouldn't be surprised if I never hear from him again. Every time he tried to talk to me I brushed him off as if he never meant anything to me. Albus had called a staff meeting that I had to be at in a couple of hours about Sirius Black. I met him a couple of times when I was younger. Sirius was quite good looking if I remember correctly. He had black hair that would sometimes get into his grey eyes and was quite tall. Sirius was James' best friend and I'd never imagined he was capable of betraying him and Lily like that. I don't understand it. He is after all Harry's godfather.

Those were good times. I wonder what would have happened if Sirius hadn't been arrested. I always thought he and Remus would have married or at least stayed together. Remus had a pale face and light brown hair but he was also one of the most intelligent and caring men I have ever met, which contrasted well against Sirius' arrogant nature. They were really in love. It was the same kind of love James and Lily had – the kind I had always wanted. Their time together was - as Remus would say 'wonderful', but all good things come to an end and that's exactly what happened. Sirius was arrested and with no proof he didn't do it, they _had_ to part ways.

I lay down on my bed and thought about last night. Luna was coming over soon so I didn't have a lot of time to focus on me. Last night I had the first nightmare since I had befriended Severus.

_It was late at night. Thunder roared outside my window as the lightning flashed through my room. I was curled up, clutching my knees to my body in the corner at the foot of my bed. I felt numb even though I was wearing a woollen sweater. It was so cold. Thoughts were barely registering in my mind. What's happening? Books lay scattered on the floor, presumably fallen from the bookshelf earlier in the storm. The wind howled and knocked against the window._

_It was dark, I couldn't see anything. The only light came from the occasional flashes of lightning. My hair was sticking out in all directions. Suddenly the room disappeared beneath my feet. I was standing in mid-air with tears falling down my face. My clothes were ripped and worn. I felt exhausted. Blood stained my arms but I barely noticed it. There was nothing around me. It was just pitch black everywhere I looked. Nothing seemed to exist. I was alone._

_Slowly, tiny razor blades began to appear in the darkness. My heart clenched, I felt fear pulse through my body. I didn't know whether to be relieved I could feel anything or cynical because this could only ever happen to me. The blades took their time turning before coming to an abrupt stop with one end pointing straight at me. There was no noise. I felt as though sound itself had been sucked out of the empty void I was trapped in._

_I felt myself involuntarily shake as the cold reached my bones. The sound of pins dropping filled my ears just as abruptly as sound had vanished. A throbbing pain began to grow in my head. I could feel a scream start to rise up my throat. The pain stopped along with the pins and the void was silent once more._

_Why me?_

_Relief washed over me. Maybe that was it, maybe now it'll be over and I can act like this never happened. I spoke too soon. A low buzzing sound grew louder with each passing second filling the empty void for a second time. The blades shook violently as the buzzing rumbled into the distance._

_"No! No! Please!" I begged but it was useless. There was no one to hear my screams as the blades shot past me, slashing my body again and again._

I closed my eyes whilst wincing at the memory. At that moment someone knocked on my door.

"Door's open." I called.

Luna walked in and lay down next to me.

"Profess-"

"Luna, it's okay. We're alone now so you can call me Allyce or Allie. I don't mind people knowing we're family."

"Okay. Allie, there's something I have to tell you. Father says you should know."

Hmm? Luna stared at the ceiling and tapped her fingers in a repetitive rhythm across her stomach.

"The night you came to see father, it was late and it had just been raining. Both of you thought I was asleep but I woke up when I heard you come in. I haven't meant to listen, it just happened."

What? She's not telling me what I think she is right? She couldn't be.

"You mean to tell me that you - Luna Lovegood eavesdropped the night I told your father about…about…"

"Yes." She replied softly.

I wanted to be angry with her I really did but I couldn't manage it. How can I be mad at someone who is so nice and genuinely cares about well, everyone? I frowned and sat up to lean against my headboard.

"Are you mad at me Allyce?"

"What? No, of course not. When did your father find out you know?"

"Yesterday. I sent him an owl."

So _that's_ why she's only telling me now. It also explains why she wanted to meet so urgently. Luna was usually calm and curious but tonight she wore a look of uncertainty.

"That's not all though, is it?"

Luna diverted her gaze and hesitated.

"No. There's something else but I want you to promise not to say anything until I'm finished."

She sat up and leaning on my shoulder she stuck her right pinky in front of me. I smiled down into her protuberant eyes and remembered when I had first introduced the concept to her.

_We were playing in the backyard. I taught her how to play tag. She chased me until I couldn't move another step. _

_"Okay, you win Luna!" I said in between breaths. A short, blue eyed girl with shoulder length, blonde hair jumped onto me as I was collapsing onto the grass. Her laughter was girly and bubbly, it flittered around us and blended in with the chirping of the birds._

_We lay down side by side in silence as we took a breather. I was nineteen and had just come back from my travels. Luna was three. I made sure to send her a present for her birthday and letters whenever I could but that couldn't make up for a year of not seeing each other. She was my little sister even if I wasn't blood related. Just then I had an idea._

_I turned my head to look at Luna._

_"Hey Luna, hold out your pinky like this."_

_"What?" She asked, curious as always._

_I held my pinky out to her showing her what to do._

_"Now we just do this…" She stared at me incredulously, I almost laughed she just looked so damn cute! I hooked my pinky with hers and saw her do the same._

_"This" I said, gesturing towards our hands._

_"Is a 'pinky promise'. It's common knowledge in the muggle world. What happens is when you make a promise with someone, you do this." I nodded towards our hands to empathise my point. She is after all only four. Incredibly smart for a four year old due to home schooling but a four year old nonetheless._

_"And you say 'pinky swear". I smiled as her face dawned with understanding._

_"Really?"_

_"Yup and you know what else?"_

_"What?"_

_I unhooked my pinky from hers and said._

_"There's an unwritten rule that you just don't break a pinky promise."_

_"Why?"_

_"No one knows, you just don't."_

_She furrowed her eyebrows but nodded._

_"Okay."  
I grinned down at her. Luna had curled up to my side and closed her eyes. She looked so peaceful, I could tell she was going to go far in her life. Hmm, when I find someone I want to have a daughter just like Luna. Curious, understanding and amazing in every way._

I hooked my pinky with hers.

"I pinky swear I won't interrupt. Now tell me what's on your mind."

She gave me a smile in return and held onto my arm.

"I've been thinking about you and Professor Snape."

I tensed up and grimaced. Not this again. I had to force myself to keep my mouth shut. Had I known this was on her mind I would have never made that promise. The only thing was I _did_ know. That day in DADA when I had played 'Hiding My Heart', I saw it in her eyes. I guess I just forgot.

"He has a good heart."

I rested my chin on top of her head. She didn't say anything for several seconds, I guess that's all she had to say.

"Luna, is that all you wanted to say?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure you don't want to elaborate?"

"I don't think you should push him away. He's grumpier than before and he treats students worse as well. Did you know he put Harry in a month's detention for stirring the wrong way?"

I looked at her confused. Severus has always picked on Harry but a month's detention for stirring? That's completely unreasonable even in his books, or at least it damn well should be. Besides, how can you possibly stir the wrong way? The direction of stirring was only crucial when making certain, advanced potions and I know for a fact they weren't making that sort of potion.

"What? Luna, are you concerned about me or Harry?"

Luna blushed, her pale cheeks turned rosy pink as she diverted her eyes.

"Both." She whispered.

I dropped the subject. When she was ready to admit it she'll start talking but for now I have a bigger problem.

"There's nothing I can do to help Harry. As for the other thing well, you know about my scars. You eavesdropped when I told your father so you must know how I feel right?"

Luna nodded, eager for me to continue.

"I still can't talk about them now and that's what he and I fought about. Well, I say we fought but really I refused to tell him, he got mad and I fled before he could do anything."

"And ignored him when he knocked on your door" added Luna.

I looked at her stunned. What? How could she possibly know? It was in the middle of the night when she should have been sleeping.

"Luna, is there something you want to tell me?"

I nudged her with my elbow, she responded by shifting uncomfortably and nudging me back.

"I was sleepwalking. The knocking brought me out of the trance and I had a look around before returning to my room."

Luna looked unsure if she was in trouble or not, it reminded me of the times I used to catch her stealing cookies from the jar when Xeno wasn't looking. Argh! It was her eyes, she just looked too damn adorable. I gave her a sad smile in understanding and gave her shoulders a squeeze, bringing her in for a hug which she returned.

"You're not in trouble, Luna. I said you could come to me at any time and I meant it."

"Okay. You should talk to him he's sadder somehow."

"I know but it's hard to talk about it."

"You love him don't you?"

I sighed. My arms returned to resting on top of my legs and I allowed myself a few seconds to think. I do love him, there's no denying that anymore. The only question was if he would allow himself to fall in love. He's got these walls up that I can't break down and I'm not even sure I want to. I could find out all about his past through legilimency but that would be an invasion of his privacy and there would surely be hell to pay when he found out. Severus must have been brought up to discard or disguise any emotion whatsoever. He must have been taught that showing any kind of emotion or affection was a sign of weakness or even worse, he could have been punished for it.

Numerous theories ran through my head, each was equally plausible as the one before it making it difficult to narrow down the possibilities.

"Yeah. I think I do." I murmured. Luna nodded and cuddled up to me.

"It's simple then isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have to learn to trust people and then you can be happy with Professor Snape again. It'll be awfully difficult but I'm here and Father will help as well. You mean something to him, I can tell. Mother used to say there was somebody for everyone. Do you remember?"

I nodded. How could I forget? It was one of the only ways she comforted me whenever I was down and feeling a little…unloved.

"Don't you still believe in that?"

The truth was I had forgotten all about it. I'm sure it was there hiding all along in the back of my mind but it's been a long time since I had last thought about it.

"Yes and no" I answered truthfully.

"I do. You told me that not everything is as it seems. Life is made up of opposites. Left and right, hot and cold, smooth and rough, dark and light. One day you'll see the fates found you someone after all."

"Maybe but I doubt it."

"I don't. You've already met him."

I smiled and kissed the top of her head. The way she put it made it sound so simple and blatantly obvious. She was right. It was going to be a long road before I can fully learn to trust like I used to but that's okay because I'll have Luna and Xeno. Severus might not like me as much by the time I get to the point where I can tell him and that's something I'll have to prepare for.

I can't change him, I doubt anyone could so I'll have to respect his wishes and move on if that's what he wants. Hopefully it was just as she had said. There was somebody for everyone and if she and Josie turned out to be right then even if Severus pushes me away, there's someone else out there for me so what have I got to lose? Maybe being tainted doesn't change anything.

"Alright then. Where do we start?"

Luna smiled encouragingly up at me and grabbed a notebook and a muggle pen form the bedside table.

"We could make a list of confessions. I've never tried it but Father writes them all the time at home."

"Okay, let's get started shall we?"

Luna beamed up at me and started off the list for me so I could see for myself what to do.

_I am Allyce Somerhalder._

_I am thirty years of age._

_I teach Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

She paused allowing me to read what she had so far. Oh, I remember these. Xeno started writing them constantly after Josie died.

"I have suffered from depression."

Luna wrote in down in here neat, script handwriting. There was no way around it, if we were going to do this we needed to do it properly. We continued coming up with facts and confessions about myself. By the time it was time for Luna to start heading back to the Ravenclaw tower this is what we had.

_I am Allyce Somerhalder._

_I am thirty years of age._

_I teach Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

_I have suffered from depression._

_I still have the criss-crossing scars on my wrists from cutting._

_I have green eyes._

_I have black hair._

_I did not always have the best childhood._

_I don't know who my blood relatives are._

_My parents died early on._

_Lily Evans was a close friend of mine._

_My goddaughter is Luna Lovegood - daughter or Xeno and Josie Lovegood._

_Xeno and Josie never officially adopted me._

_I did not know I was magical until Josie told me when she took me in at the age of ten._

_I gave up my interest in Potions shortly after Lily's death._

_I have trouble trusting people._

_Magical or not, I have my moments._

_I have difficulty talking about the times I was nineteen through to twenty-three._

_Three people know about my battle with depression._

_I owe a great deal to Albus Dumbledore._

_I don't always take my own advice._

_I know there is someone for everyone._

I had said a brief goodbye to Luna as she walked out. The staff meeting was starting soon; it was going to be in Albus' office which I found a bit strange. I grabbed my cloak and walked out through the quad.

"You're a traitor. Yeah, that's what you are. A poor, worthless, ginger traitor! Your own mother couldn't be any more disappointed in you. You're a disgrace to everyone _Ronald_!" Pansy yelled at a fuming Weasley.

Well, this isn't going to end well. Pansy Parkinson was a Slytherin and like Draco who she has a strange infatuation with, she is a bully. She was hard-faced and was often called 'pug-face' though I doubt anyone said it to her face.

I walked briskly towards them, passing Hermione and a silvery blonde boy who were also having a go at each other. The boy must be Draco. That hair was a Malfoy trait and he was the only Malfoy here. Hermione's a smart girl and a far better wizard than Draco. They'll be fine. She won't send him to the infirmary when he attempts to hex her. She's a smart girl that one, even if she can be a tad annoying at times. You could practically see the smoke coming out of Weasley's ears. He reached for his wand.

"Loco-"

Really? I though he was better than this but I suppose I should have suspected after all, he is related to the Weasley twins. Too bad Percy's work ethics didn't rub off on him. I raised my own wand and went ahead with disarming him.

"Expelliarmus"

Both Pansy and Ronald stared at me, stunned as Ronald's wand flew out of his hand.

"I don't care what issues you two have although I have a good idea what it was all about. Both of you detention, _now_."

"W-what? But you can't do that I h-" spluttered Pansy.

"Fifty points from Slytherin for talking back. Mr Weasley pick up your wand and come here. I have a meeting to get to but no matter you will do your detention now and that is final."

Pansy glared at Ronald as he quickly retrieved his wand. I motioned them to follow me and they did. Merlin knows what I'm going to do about them. I don't really want to do detentions so maybe if I'm nice Sir Nicholas will watch them for me. We reached the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom in record time. They sat next to each other in the front row after much protest and another fifty points from both houses. Severus isn't the only one who can deduct points like nobody's business.

I stood in front of both at them and silently called for Sir Nicholas. He would be here soon so I let the silence fill the room. It couldn't hurt to make them feel a bit more uncomfortable and possibly guilty. Sir Nicholas arrived not a moment too late but I may have to ask Kelsier to apparate me outside Albus' office.

"Hello! It's good to see you Allyce and what is it, I might ask that you need?"

"It's good to see you too Nick. I hope you have been well."

"Yes, very well indeed."

"Well, I gave these two" I gave a pointed look in their direction which made them shift uncomfortably making the corners of my lips turn up slightly. Oh, Merlin. He's rubbing off on me.

"Detention but I have a staff meeting with Albus soon so I was wondering if you could supervise them?"

"I would be delighted to assist you in any way."

I smiled gratefully at him.

"Thanks."

"And you two" I said, turning my attention to the unfortunate students in front of me.

"I want this entire classroom spotless when detention ends. Sir Nicholas will be the judge and he will dismiss you at whatever time he deems necessary. If however either of you misbehave I will certainty hear about it and you will serve another detention, with Professor Snape."

Their eyes widened at the mention of his name. They were just about to have a nervous breakdown at the prospect of being in a confined space with their Potions Master. Not that I can blame them, he can be terrifying but it was amusing to see their reactions nonetheless.

"Well, I'll leave you to it Nick."

He just nodded in reply as I closed the door behind me and summoned Kelsier.

"Yes, Mistress."

"I was wondering if you could apparate me either in or outside Dumbledore's office."

"Of course, Mistress. Kelsier is a house elf."

Phew, at least now I won't be late. I held onto Kelsier's thin, bony hand and with a pop with apparated. Everything went black, I felt the familiar pressure of an unknown force pushing against me from every angle. It was difficult to breathe, I barely managed it. Even after all this time of being a Witch I never quite got use to the experience. It literally felt as if something was trying to mould me to look like someone else.

Kelsier, being Kelsier had apparated us into the middle of the room which earned me a look of surprise form Albus and a glare from Severus. After realising my discomfort Kelsier disapparated, leaving me alone to answer the questions. I dusted off my cloak and sat down in the chair furthest away from Severus.

"Glad you could join us, Allyce. Lemon drop?" greeted Albus after recovering remarkably quickly from the initial shock of me suddenly appearing in his office. He held out the battered old tin to me.

"No thank you, Albus. I'm sorry I made the mistake of giving Kelsier the option of outside or inside your office."

"Hmm…"He mused whilst stroking that impressive beard of his.

I took the opportunity to look over Severus. Of course, it had to be done discreetly, very discreetly. Who knows what Albus would do with that kind of knowledge, it would be horrible to endure but most likely effective in the long run. Either way I don't need him meddling, it would just add pressure on me.

Severus chose to ignore me to the extent that he wouldn't look at me at all. Instead he stared straight ahead of him at Albus or Fawkes – a phoenix who was perched on a golden bird stand. I caught a glimpse of those nightshade eyes that I was so used to seeing pain and sorrow in but, now they only held hate. His hatred for me shone through them pushing any pain and sorrow out of sight. It wasn't going to be easy to talk to him but it was something that needed to be done and I was feeling a lot better after starting that list.

"I asked for you two in particular to meet here instead as I feel this will have more of an effect on you."

Well, that's a strange way to start a conversation. Whatever it was, shouldn't Minerva be here since she is Deputy Headmistress?

"As you may or may not know, there is evidence suggesting that Sirius Black has been visiting Harry right under our noses."

I felt myself suck my stomach in. That name brings back a lot of memories, some which I don't want to re-visit. Flashes of Sirius and Remus ran through my mind. There was the time when they had each decided to become illegal animagi to accompany Remus when he turned. Those Saturdays spent down at the Black Lake just laughing and generally having a good time. Then there was the time Sirius was arrested. I'll never forget how grief stricken and heartbroken Remus looked when he found out. It enough to break anyone's heart.

"What significance that this have to do with either Severus or I?"

"It has come to my attention that you have become considerably close this term."

Severus scoffed in disbelief but didn't say anything. Probably because he was in denial about the situation were in. Albus sent an amused look over to Severus who as predicted, avoided both our gazes.

"I understand that the two of you have had some sort of interaction with him in the past when you were all students."

Oh, God. Severus probably thinks Sirius and I dated. That's an absolutely absurd idea but it's one Severus was capable of coming up with, especially in his current state of mind.

"However that is not what I called you two here for. The others are in a staff meeting held by Minerva, I needed to talk to you two alone." Albus paused and popped a lemon drop in his mouth before continuing.

"I fear your growing feelings for each other will impair your judgement in a time of great danger."

"I have no feelings towards _her_" Severus sneered, glaring at me before looking away.

I flinched at his words and did my best to hide it but I could tell Albus saw. His words hurt but they were to be expected. I decided it would be best to remain silent. Retaliating wouldn't do either of us any good.

"Albus, I think you may have miscalculated the situation at hand. Severus has - as he has stated, no feelings of any kind towards me so there is nothing to be afraid of. When the time comes the students come first, I remember that being one of the first things you said to me after I arrived."

I paused to let my words sink in and to force the conflicting emotions I felt to the back of my mind. "If that's all, I'd best get going Albus."  
"Yes, of course." He whispered, his voice trailed off at the end and I assumed he was going into deep thought.

As I walked out to step into Albus' version of a muggle elevator, I heard footsteps following me accompanied by the rustle of robes.

"Allyce, don't forget you're on duty tonight with Severus. I expect you both to be on your best behaviour."

I barely heard him on my way down. It was distracting enough just to be this close to Severus. The golden Phoenix statue spiralled down the short distance to the ground floor.

The moment I saw the end of the corridor as the Phoenix statue came to a stop, my feet had a mind of their own. I just about ran off, away from Severus, away from the pain I might have caused him and away from the heartache I felt just thinking about him. What is it that muggles say? Out of sight, out of mind? Yeah, that sounds about right. Obviously a lie but I guess there are exceptions to everything.

I pushed the wooden door to my quarters and slung my cloak over my desk chair. Glancing at the clock I decided to take a nap. It was only 9pm so a little nap would probably do me some good before spending four hours walking aimlessly with Severus. I summoned Kelsier and asked if he could wake me up just before 11pm and apparate me outside the Great Hall.

"Of course, Mistress. Anything for Mistress."

"Thanks, Kelsier" I smiled warmly at him before he disappeared with a pop.

I quickly changed into my pyjamas and gratefully slide under the covers. Hmm, I must be really tired because this feels like heaven. So soft…My thoughts trailed off as my eyelids closed and I dropped into a blissful sleep.

_I snuggled up to someone's bare chest and rested my head where there heart was. Thump. Thump. Thump. The beating of his heart matched mine. We slept peacefully with our legs entangled and his arms encircling me. I open my eyes to find myself and this said stranger naked under the sheets. Their black hair felt a little like cardboard when it brushed my face as he stirred._

_I smiled as I realised it was Severus. His arms tightened their grip on me and he pressed his lips to my forehead. I sighed in content when a flash of light caught my eye. Glancing down at my left hand, my eyes widened in surprise. Of course, Severus didn't notice, he was still sleeping. There on my ring finger was the most gorgeous pair of rings I had ever seen. Yes, I said pair as in two. It was an engagement ring and then a wedding band, they were both so beautiful._

_The engagement ring was silver and…I don't know how to describe it but I'll do my best. It's just so beautiful, I couldn't stop staring at it. Imagine it like this, there is a silver strip which will be the band. As the two ends come together to form a circle, one end goes under and then blends in with the band on the other side and vice versa. The result was a beautifully crafted ring with an emerald oval in the centre and two curves – one over the emerald and one under, with three diamonds on each curves._

_Then there was of course, my wedding band. It was the definition of simplicity. If anyone ever need proof the sometimes simple was the way to go, then this would be it. Resting on my finger next to my engagement ring was a slender, silver band. I turned the ring to get a better look at the lettering engraved onto the outside. _

_Always._

_I smiled at the meaning behind that word, turning around to try and find Severus' hand to see what his ring looked like. I assumed it would match mine but you can never be too sure about these things. He stirred and woke up as I grabbed his left hand that had been wrapped around my waist. Severus nuzzled the nape of my neck and muttered something incoherent as I examined his wedding band._

_It was exactly like mine. Kind of anyway. It was the same design except the colours had changed. He had a gold band but he had the same engraving. I grinned and turned to face him. His black hair was slightly in his face as he slowly leaned down. Our lips inched closer at an excruciatingly slow pace._

_"Mistress, wake up! Mistress!"_

_Come on, just a little further. We were almost touching, I could feel his breath brush my cheeks. His thin lips grazed mine, barely touching them, teasing me._

_"Wake up!"_

_Suddenly the room shook violently. The room disappeared along with Severus in a matter of seconds._

"Wake up!" Kelsier screamed next to my ear.

I jolted awake and nearly fell off the bed in the process. Damn, you house elves with your apparition skills and what not. You just had to ruin just the most amazing dream I've ever had. Now would be a good time for someone to tell me I was a clairvoyant. Severus would scoff at the idea but then at least there might be some truth in my dreams.

Scrambling to sit up, I thanked Kelsier for doing a good job. I slipped on my cloak over my Pj's seeing as I was only going to get changed back into them afterwards for a few more hours of sleep anyway.

"Is Mistress ready?" asked Kelsier.

"Yes Kelsier, I am."

I held onto his hand and we once again apparated. I'm probably abusing the house elves' ability to apparate within Hogwarts but oh well, they don't seem to mind and I won't be doing it all the time.

I dismissed Kelsier when we arrived and was surprised Severus wasn't here yet. That's strange he's usually always there before anyone else. No matter how early I left for breakfast or any other meal time, he was there before me with an empty seat. Then it dawned on me. I wasn't actually at the entrance, I was on the corner. Silly me.

"You're late"

I rolled my eyes at him. Surely I couldn't be late. I mean, I apparated so if anything shouldn't I be early?

"By how much this time?"

"Thirty seconds"

"Of course, I am." I answered sarcastically.

Well, he was just a ray of sunshine wasn't he? I turned away from him and walked down the corridor, taking the route we normally took. These patrols were a necessary precaution and until someone wanted to swap with me or Severus swapped with someone else, I was stuck with him. He followed me and walked beside me. Severus wore a dark purple stiff shirt, dress pants and his black robes.

On previous patrols we never really chatted. Neither of us were one for small talk but we did have the occasional conversation when one of us could be bothered. Usually we would lapse into silence but not like how we are now. The silence that used to accompany us was comfortable and not awkward or strained like the one that followed us now. It was expected though, considering the tension that was obviously still between us.

It wasn't long before we caught our first lot of troublemakers. Their voices were quiet but we had both heard them and were already heading towards their direction. We could make out two male voices and that one had a distinct Irish accent but that was it.

"Shhh! They'll hear you."

"So? It's only Professor Somerhalder" spoke the Irishman.

_Smack!_

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Snape's on duty, you idiot."

"It'd be well worth it for another look at Professor Somerhalder. She has one fine ass."

Upon hearing those words, Severus sped up and quickly rounded the corner. I followed suit and nearly bumped into him. He was absolutely fuming at the two boys who looked like they'd just seen the Devil. To be honest, I think they would have preferred it. I've never seen him this angry and I doubt they had either. I recognised the dark skinned boy with a black afro as Dean Thomas and his friend – the Irish boy with sandy hair, as Seamus Finnigan. They were both in their pyjamas which consisted of a T-shirt and pants. Never thought I'd catch a Gryffindor out and about like they were.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor for breaking curfew, _each_ and forty points for using vulgar language" seethed Severus.

"Twenty points from Gryffindor, Mr Finnigan."

Both of them quickly snapped back into their surroundings as if only just realising what had happened.

"What?"

Seamus wasn't the only one surprised, Severus held an amused expression but you could still see he was beyond furious.

"What? I don't tolerate people looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat." I replied simply.

Severus turned his attention back to the two boys.

"Detention. My office, 6:40pm tomorrow."

Seamus and Dean nodded quickly and headed off to the Gryffindor common room.

We resumed walking. I glanced at his eyes through my hair. There wasn't even the hint of the satisfaction he normally showed when he gave out detentions during these patrols. I stopped walking and grabbed a hold of Severus' arm to get his attention.

"We need to talk."

He merely gave a curt nod. I dropped my hold on his arm and he turned to face me. I drew a deep breath and took a moment to collect my thoughts. How do I put this? I am in no condition to be spilling out all my secrets but I can't stand the tension between us. I want it to disappear _tonight_.

"Um, just give me a minute to word it better."

Severus rolled his eyes but did as I asked. I sighed. It really is going to be now or never. I already had his attention so there was no backing out now.

"I…don't like the awkward silences or the glares you send my way, but I...can't tell you about…um, you know."

Severus wasn't pleased with the answer I gave him.

"_Why not?_" He demanded.

"Because…I'm just not ready okay? I haven't even come to terms with it myself. I need time to sort it out but I don't want you to hate me in the meantime."

"I don't hate you."

"Then stop acting like you do. Severus I _will _tell you. Just not now. Are we okay?"

He pursed his lips making them almost non-existent.

"No."

Just the way he said it made my eyes widen in surprise. He said it so bluntly as if it was as simple as deciding whether or not he wanted sugar in his tea. His voice was several degrees colder than normal and curt, making his response cut a little deeper. Severus abruptly turned and with a swish of his billowing robes, left me in the middle of the corridor.

That night I added another confession to my list. Severus' response cut deep but although it hurt, it only proved to me what Luna had known all along.

_I am completely and hopelessly in love with Severus Snape._


	6. Rumours & Messages

Some time had passed since Severus pretty much shunned me but in a way I think it helped me move forward. Since then the nightmares had lessened until they no longer haunted me in my sleep – though that's not to say their remnants weren't lingering in my mind. I was also able to re-live the memories and not feel so torn and ashamed.

I guess you could say I've come to a bit of an understanding that although the past may hold some painful memories - that's not to say that we should forget them. The past got us to where we are today. We can choose to let it dictate our lives or we can choose to learn to live with the skeletons in our closet and become a better person. In many ways I have healed but I haven't completely learnt to live with my past. It's been a while since I took some time to clear my head like I am now. Things have been hectic but I'm managing the best way I can and that's all I really can do.

I am getting there but even after writing about the time I felt alone and how I viewed the world back then, I still don't have the courage to speak about them without bursting into tears. There's no reason for it except that, every time I try I feel as though darkness has consumed me and I just want to get out but I can't see anything. It's just all dark and infinite. I think that's what's holding me back. I need to find that one thing or person who can bring me back to the light. Something to give me hope, to let me know I'll never be alone.

Luna and I were sitting cross legged on my bed with numerous books filled with music and lyrics scattered around us. Most of them were closed but there were six of them that were open to a specific page. I got up and carried the closed songbooks, dropping them at the foot of my book case.

Luna had her hair tied back in a long ponytail and she wore a purple top with a gold pattern following the neckline, along with light blue jeans.

She looked up from the songbook in her hands just as I joined her on the bed.

"Professor Snape is a strange man, isn't he?" Luna asked with a tone implying she was waiting for me to agree.

"Yes, I suppose he is. A little strange and different but human all the same. Why do you ask?"

"Rumours. They're terrible little things, aren't they?"

"Well, yes indeed they are." I replied, confused by her outburst even though they were frequent.

What is she playing at?

"Professor Snape has quite a number of them about him."

"I know. It must come with the territory."

Luna looked at me puzzled.

"Hm? What territory?"

"Oh, just the façade he puts on. It can be quite misleading."

"I agree. Students think he's a death eater."

I grabbed a fistful of my duvet as the fear and doubt started to pulse through my bloodstream. Of course I had heard those rumours. They were flying about every corner I turned months ago. Should I be scared? If he is a death eater shouldn't that make him evil? I don't know what to think. Evil is such a funny thing isn't it? We all think we know what it means. Murder, genocide, torture but what if under the right circumstances we are all capable of committing such acts? Or even worse, what if evil is something far more than that? What if it's written in our DNA?

I pushed those thoughts out of my head and released my strange hold of the duvet. So not what I want to be thinking about right now. My eyes found Luna's and that's when it hit me. I can't believe I forgot. Severus used to hang out with Lucius, Narcissa and Bellatrix. Now it all makes sense. It explains why Lily took so long to forgive him even after considering her stubbornness, and why James was so adamant that Severus be nowhere near them.

"And?" I asked.

"Are you worried about it?"

I can't just tell her '_No, course not. I've known he was one of them for a long time, it's never affected how I feel about him.'_ That would not go down well. I'll have to lie to her. As much as it pains me to do so, now is not the right time to come out and say I'm in love with a death eater – even if I know he has a heart. Staring into her ice, blue eyes I did what I had to.

"No, why should I be? They're just rumours. You and I both know how fast lies travel and how well perceived they are compared to the truth."

"Your words ring true, Allie. What piece do you want to play?"

To be honest I had no idea. I quickly glanced at the songbooks. Let's see, there's 'Can I have a kiss' by Kelly Clarkson, 'Skyscraper' by Demi Lovato, 'Sparks fly' by Taylor Swift, 'Trying not to love you' by Nickelback and 'Can't lose what you never had' by Westlife. My hands found the songbook with 'Can't lose what you never had' in it and I gave the lyrics another look.

"I have no idea, Luna. If I play this one" I looked pointedly at the book in my hands.

"I'll have to re-word it into a female's perspective since this was sung by a boy band."

"You'll never know until you've tried it."

"Wise words Grasshopper. I've taught you well." I teased.

I walked over to my keyboard which had already been set up at the foot of my bed with the song book in hand and sat down. Luna chose to stay on the bed but she did swivel around. I placed the songbook on the music stand that loomed over the keyboard. Clearing my throat, I took another look at the lyrics to see which lines I would have to alter. I started playing and my voice soon fell into step with the surprisingly soft melody. Must be because of the absent drum beat.

"Baby, you're so amazing

And when I'm near you I can't breathe

A guy like you gets what he wants when he wants it

You're so out of my league

You show me no emotion

Can't you see just what you're doing to me?

I imagine the two of us together

But I've been living in reality

Fear of rejection kept my love inside

But time is running out so damn my foolish pride

I don't care if you think I'm crazy

It doesn't matter if it turns out bad

I've got no fear of losing you

You can't lose what you never had

Now I'm gonna confess that I love you

I've been keeping it inside, feeling I could die

Now if you turn away

Baby that's okay"

I stopped playing and turned to look at Luna. There was no way I could play that piece, it held no meaning to me.

"That was beautiful" commented Luna.

I smiled. It was a nice melody but it didn't feel right. I want to play a song that I can really connect with otherwise there's no point in performing it. Songs like that don't make you feel something or move you in any way are alright for practising but not for an actual performance.

"I don't know Luna, it didn't feel right I think we should go with one of the other pieces."

She mutely nodded and handed me the songbook that was in her lap. It was a green leather book that had been bound with gold thread and was about the same size as a piece of muggle paper. I took it but shook my head.

"Another time Luna. Your curfew is coming up, we can just continue this tomorrow or another night. I have another week before the talent quest, it'll be fine."

"Okay, goodnight Allie." Luna smiled and gave me a hug. I squeezed her back and she left with one final wave at the door.

I didn't see Luna unless it was during one of our lessons. My mind was a little overwhelmed with the preparations for the talent quest as well as avoiding Severus and Pomona who had noticed the frosty tension between us. She was nice and all but could not for the life of Merlin stop meddling. I've managed to swap my patrol duties with Minerva who agreed seeing as we were near the end of the year anyway. However she did say that if I ever wanted to swap back I need only to ask.

I let out a sigh. I would have never needed to swap with Minerva if Severus didn't look at me so coldly. As if it was my fault that I couldn't tell him what was wrong, as if I _chose _to keep it to myself. I want to make this very clear right now. I never chose this – any of it. It's not my fault there are times where I feel like no one cares, like everyone would be better off without me. Luna and Xeno have tried and tried to get me out of that state of mind but I can't help it. Whenever I least suspect it, there it is staring back at me and by then it's too late. It's already taken over.

The next week went in a bit of a blur. There were so many things that needed to be done. Albus thought it'd be nice if the house elves prepared a special meal featuring dishes from around the world, so I had to spend some time organising a menu. Luckily the house elves knew most of the dishes and for the ones that they didn't know, it was easy enough to teach them how to follow a recipe. All in all I think that aspect of the talent quest will be rather successful.

Filius and I were in the great Hall setting up. We could have easily conjured it all up when the students arrived but Charity – the muggles studies teacher, thought it'd be a good experience to do it the muggle way. However as usual, I didn't listen. It didn't take much to convince the tiny charms Professor of goblin heritage with black, round glasses and brown hair to do what I wanted. He was more than happy to discreetly use magic to help us out.

Streams of fabric varying in the house colours hung along the top of the walls and across the ceiling, joining at the middle where a glass chandelier hung in all its glory. I must admit it looked pretty damn good. A bit of a mix between Hogwarts and a muggle high school dance but I think we were subconsciously aiming for that anyway so, mission accomplished.

Up in the top left hand corner a yellow sash had fallen and was resting on some of the fabric underneath it. I sighed, I could have sworn it was secure last time I checked. It was supposed to be pinned into the corner but it appears to have fallen.

"Filius, will you levitate me up there" I point to where the yellow sash had come undone.

"so I can pinned it back?"

"Yes, yes of course!"

Filius cleared his throat before casting the spell and soon I was a metre of the ground, rising higher with every passing second. My cloak hung to me as Filius skilfully guided me up to the corner. I pulled my right hand out from under my cloak and grabbed the yellow fabric between my fingers. A small tug caught me by surprise as I was lifted even higher to reach the corner more easily. Humming a small tune I pulled out the existing pin and positioned the fabric to hang like the rest of the sashes.

I push the pin through and was just making sure it was secure when I heard someone tumbled down. That feeling of support I always felt when being levitated vanished, making me scream as I fell through the air. I know it only lasted a few seconds and maybe not even that but it felt like hours. Now, I understand what people meant by 'your life flashes before your eyes'. I saw glimpses of my childhood, of babysitting Luna, meeting Lily and the Marauders, the cutting, the depression, coming face to face to Severus on the train ride here and finally, I saw what could have been.

My life if Josie and Xeno had turned their back on me like everyone else. If I had gotten myself lost on my way to Transfiguration I wouldn't have met Lily or the Marauders and I wouldn't have heard about Severus. They would have never made amends and moved on from 'the incident'. Severus would still be talking to me if I had the courage to tell him about my past and maybe we would have been together – though that's not likely with his love for Lily.

I stopped screaming and closed my eyes as I heard someone stop running towards me. Two strong arms held onto me, I shifted slightly trying to get out. Confused, I opened my eyes to see a chest clad in black clothing.

"Severus?" I whispered. My eyes found the same tortured eyes I was attracted to all those months ago.

A veil of silence seemed to have been cast over us. Severus wasn't crouching so that meant that he got there just in time to catch me. His eyes weren't glaring at me which I took as a good sign. He still wasn't exactly pleased to have had to catch me and if I'm being honest, I'm not pleased either but not for the reason you might think. I'm a Witch for Merlin's sake! I could have easily used a cushioning charmto save myself, only I chose not to for reasons unknown to both you and I.

Regret, sorrow and even a bit of heartache danced around in his eyes. They chased each other until one consumed the others and then the game would begin again. Just as quickly as Severus had appeared, he gently put me down and abruptly left the room leaving me to stare in wonder at his retreating figure.

"I'm so sorry Allyce. A student knocked me over, that's no excuse o-"

Filius' rant brought me back to reality. He was dusting off his clothes and apologizing profusely. God, I hate apologises. I placed my hand on his shoulder to get him to stop and listen.

"Filius, it's fine. I don't blame you for anything, it was just a freak accident and besides I'm fine."

"Yes…Well, that's true." He replied whilst scratching the back of his head.

"Let's just go and get ready. The students will be here in less than twenty minutes."

We couldn't set up the hall while the students were in here eating dinner so I arranged for dinner to be served outside under the night sky. The house elves conjured the food to them and the rest of the staff are there too. Filius had kindly offered to lend me a hand with setting up so we had an early dinner and then came here. I waved my wand to pack everything up so they would be ready to send back into storage.

"Thank Merlin, Severus was here." Filius muttered under his breath. My body froze on my way out.

"Yes. Thank Merlin Severus chose to catch me." I whispered to myself.

I didn't actually change. My hair was up in a side French plait that started on the left and went down to my right. I plaited it normally once I got to the right and I had a little, stray piece of hair that went over my right eye. The students were escorted to their house tables by members of the staff and were now chatting amongst themselves.

The house elves have prepared some snacks for them so they were laid out across the tables. I didn't have the heart to tell them that they would most likely be too full from dinner to eat anymore. They were so excited about making typical muggle food like potato chips that I just couldn't say no. Albus sat in the very centre with Minerva and I on either side. Severus sat next to me but he didn't look content about it like he used to. Something tells me it was Albus' doing and Severus had no choice but to comply. Typical Albus.

I suppose now is as good of a time as any. Clearing my throat I tapped my wand against the podium on a whim that it might get their attention. It didn't. I pointed my wand to my throat and cast _sonorous_.

"Attention Students!" I bellowed, my voice carried through the hall and echoed slightly.

Every student turned and looked at me. I cast _quietus_ to return my voice to normal and slipped my wand back under my waist belt before continuing.

"Tonight as you all know we will be having a talent quest and as I am not one for public speaking we will just get straight into it. All the acts are in fact getting ready in nearby classrooms and as they have been told which order they will be going in, there should be no delays."

I must sound so lame to them but it wasn't like I was going to do anything about it.

"Now the first act for this evening is none other than Fred and George Weasley of Gryffindor House."

I stepped down and sat back in my seat as the students gave a thunderous applause to the two twins. Obviously their popularity wasn't only evident amongst Gryffindors. The identical twins, like their younger brother Ronald had the flaming, red hair and freckles. However unlike Ronald, they had a stockier build and looked like they would stay at average height while Ronald could grow a little taller.

They walked onstage in identical grey suits and yellow and red checkered bow ties with wide grins on their faces.

"I'm George."

"And I'm Fred – The more _handsome _twin" continued Fred, making his line a bit dramatic as he threw on a smug look and winked at the small group of fan girls at the Gryffindor table.

"_Fred!_ Don't you remember?" said George, feigning shock.

Fred shrugged, allowing George to continue.

"Fred, Fred, Fred." George shook his head in disappointment as he placed his hand on his twins' shoulder.

"You've got it the wrong way around. It was _I _that was and is blessed with these ungodly looks."

George made a big show of flipping his hair and making flirty faces to their fan club as most of the Great Hall – including myself laughed at them.

Fred's face grew serious as the laughter died down.

"George, I don't know how to tell you this but I also have these" he gestures to his own body using both hands whilst shrugging George off and looking quite frantic. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from doing anything more than cracking a smile.

"Ungodly looks."

"No, no you don't. I have known you since we were in Mother's womb sixteen years ago and I can honestly say I have _always_ been the better looking one" replied George with a smug smirk across his face.

"_You're both ugly, you bloodly gingas!_" shouted someone who suspiciously sounded like Malfoy. That's what really did it. The Weasley Twins looked at each other with anger and shock written on both of their face. They rolled up their sleeves past their elbows, letting their anger build up. My fingers instinctively curled around my wand in case things escalated.

"Oi! Do you have your own fan club?" shouted Fred.

"That's right, no ya don't. Do you have girls falling at your feet? Well, does he Fred?"

"No, I do believe he does _not_."

Their anger was clearly evident but it had subsided a little near the end.

"_Then shut the bloodly hell up!_" They yelled. I was a little taken back by this but they should be given the chance to stand up to their bullies and that's exactly what they did. The twins pulled on their coats straightening them out.

"Well, George I think you indeed have ungodly looks and if I were a girl I'd tap that."

"Thanks Fred. You're not bad yourself. If I were a girl I'd tap you too."

The Great hall was silent for a few seconds. Did they just say they would go for each other if they were the opposite sex? Wouldn't they still be siblings? Wait, is this part of their act? Fred and George looked intently at each other as the rest of us debating whether or not they were being serious. Fred was the first to break, laughing softly at the awkward silence. George soon followed and before long the students were laughing with them.

I, on the other hand had not found it very funny and neither did the rest of the staff –excluding Severus of course. He never laughs, that's absurd and completely unheard of.

"We're just kidding" said the twins once the students had calmed down. The rest of their act was the same kind of material as well as some sale pitches about their Weasley & Weasley products. They were sarcastic, funny and out of line in some cases but everyone was having such a good time it didn't seem right to stop them. They even mentioned Severus in various places.

"What shall we talk about next Freddie? I was thinking about that time with Ron and the tree in the cornfield. Yeah you know the one."

"Actually I-"

"So there we were just mi-"

"Fifty points from Gryffindor for speaking out of tu-rn" interrupted Fred with a mocking, cold stare and monotone voice.

George coughed and gave his twin a confused look.

"Fred, we're in the _same _house."

Recognition which I'm sure he faked dawned on Fred's face.

"Oh yeah…"

After looking put out for another moment or two they called upon Dean to try help them out. It didn't look like he was going to make it to the stage I really didn't think he would. However after a pep talk from Seamus and a few pushes in the right direction he was soon walking up towards the twins.

"Come on up Dean. Don't worry nothing will happen" said Fred in that fake, happy, about to burst into song voice.

Dean reluctantly took the seat that was offered to him as George whipped out what appeared to be a small kit of various sweets.

"What would you like to try first?" asked George as they both got very close to Dean's face making him squirm.

They pulled away a little as Fred listed what they had, pointing to each one.

"We've got fainting fancies – bet you can guess what that'll do. Fever fudge, ton-tongue toffees, puk-ooh! How about an edible dark mark eh?"

"Fred, slow down. You're giving him a fright. He'll never buy from us again."

"True, all true George. Suppose you're right. They're more for Professor Snape anyway."

Severus of course had not even cracked a smile throughout the entire thing. Their act ended all too soon. They left the stage waving with big grins on their faces and went to join their house. Next up were a group of Slytherin girls who had said they were a 'dance group'. They were the only Slytherins to enter and well…let's just say my mood went right down as they began their 'dance'.

There were five girls in total and they were all wearing a slutty version of the school uniform. Honestly, it's like they want to have points deducted. The only Slytherin that I could recognise was Pansy who was the leader while the other girls wore white, full face masks. I knew Severus was pointedly staring at the wall on his left where he couldn't accidentally catch my eye but most of the male students were indeed paying attention.

It was sad really. They had danced to a song called 'Too Sexy For My Shirt' while wearing skirts that barely covered their butt, loose ties, their jersey and no shirt which meant you could see their bra at the bottom of their neckline. It was _horrible_. I had to actually stop them pretty early on where it was clear they only had sex on their minds.

What were they thinking coming up here wearing a mockery of the school uniform and dancing like strippers? I had to deduct forty points per head for indecency and for inappropriate behaviour. Even Severus took a break from blatantly ignoring me to speak up and deduct further points from his _own_ house.

There was an act from Hugglepuff, I'm sure of it but I honestly can't remember as I had foolishly brushed Severus' hand when I sat back down after introducing them. After that the next couple of acts went by in a blur. I got up and read what was on my sheet of paper then I sat back down and force myself to focus on anything but him. I can't let him get to me now, not when I have to perform soon.

_Don't look. Keep breathing. Everything will be fine. Severus' hand didn't tense when you brushed past it, there weren't sparks of any kind. You know that. Focus. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. breathe out. Breathe in._

The sound of a Grand piano mixed with the subtle sound of a violin floated through my ears, snapping me out of my thoughts. Luna and Cho were playing a duet. The piece they were playing was unfamiliar to me but it sounded like a mix of various Mozart compositions. It was beautiful I found myself relaxing as I got lost in the dynamics and the story the notes played.

Luna and Cho played with passion. You could tell they were putting everything they had into this performance. It was insanely good and I couldn't help but start to 'claim' her in my head. It's a thing us teachers do all the time – even in the muggle world. I taught Luna everything she knows about music so I can 'claim' her. It's basically bragging rights over a student's achievements. It's kind of stupid but it's something you do out of habit. As Luna pressed the last note to be played Cho was already finishing with a flourish of her bow like every violinist does at the end of a piece.

I sighed. It was time for me to play my piece to give the judges time to deliberate. I had already made my choices but that didn't mean they were set in stone. I walked over to the Grand piano as Albus announced my act. I summoned a microphone on a stand and adjusted it to catch my voice while I sat with a straight back. Tapping the microphone as a sound check sent muffled bursts of noise through the Great Hall.

"So, I'm going to perform a song called 'Skyscraper' and it was written by a group of muggles but it is still a really good song."

I leaned back and lightly shook out my arms to loosen them up before taking to the piano keys and playing the melody that meant more now than ever.

"Skies are crying

I am watching

Catching teardrops in my hands

Only silence as it's ending, like we never had a chance

Do you have to, make me feel like there is nothing left of me?"

I couldn't sing it the way Demi Lovato did. Like with most songs I like I had to fiddle with the keys to change it enough for my voice to sing well but not enough to alter the tune. My voice was much softer than hers and it couldn't reach some of the higher notes in the song like she could.

"You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper

Like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears

I awaken, and untangle you from me

Would it make you, feel better to watch me while I bleed?

All my windows, still are broken

But I'm standing on my feet

You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper

Like a skyscraper

Go run, run, run

I'm gonna stay right here

Watch you disappear, yeah

Go run, run, run

Yeah it's a long way down

But I am closer to the clouds up here

You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper

Like a skyscraper

Like a skyscraper

Like a skyscraper"

My voice faded softly as the last note echoed to the back of the hall. There was silence for a few moments but my colleagues were giving me approving looks so that's a good sign right? I couldn't tell what Severus thought and I didn't have time to. Albus and Minerva looked like they were in a heated debate about something and the students had erupted into an applause.

Once they had calmed down I spoke again to buy Albus and Minerva some more time.

"I wasn't planning on performing again but it looks like that's what I'll be doing. This next song is called 'Dark Side' which was also written by a muggle."

I caught Severus' eye just as I was about to start. He was as emotionless as ever which was no help whatsoever. I glanced down and focused on the piano keys instead.

"There's a place I know

It's not pretty there and few have ever gone

If I show it to you now

Will it make you run away?"

I looked up to see Severus staring at me but I refused to let him un-nerve me. This song was about him and I. It's all of the things I wish I could say, the emotions and expressions I wish I could let him see.

"Or will it make you stay

Even if it hurts

Even if I try to push you out

Will you return?

And remind me who I really am?

Please remind me who I really am"

If he couldn't see or realise that this is me trying to talk to him then maybe it was never meant to be but, if I had let him in maybe that wouldn't be the case at all. Maybe he would know me better than I know myself. He's the type of guy with the ability to tear down your defences and see what you're hiding underneath.

"Everybody's got a dark side

Do you love me?

Can you love mine?

Nobody's picture perfect

But we're worth it

You know that we're worth it

Will you love me?

Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond

From black dust

It's hard to know

What can become

If you give up

So don't give up on me

Please remind me who I really am"

The song suited my voice better than the last so I didn't have to change anything. I never took my eyes off Severus. Just like 'Skyscraper' this song meant a lot to me and I hope he could see that. I hope that he's smart enough to see that I'm trying to tell him something and I mean every word.

"Everybody's got a dark side

Do you love me?

Can you love mine?

Nobody's picture perfect

But we're worth it

You know that we're worth it

Will you love me?

Even with my dark side?

Don't run away

Don't run away

Juts tell me that you will stay

Promise me you will stay

Don't run away

Don't run away

Just promise me you will stay

Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? Ohh

Everybody's got a dark side

Do you love me?

Can you love mine?

Nobody's picture perfect

But we're worth it

You know that we're worth it

Will you love me?

Even with my dark side?"

The students applauded with no delay and I rose to take my seat between Albus and Severus. Albus and Minerva looked satisfied with their decision which was a good thing because if I had to sing another song I have no idea what song to pick. Albus slid a piece of parchment to me. Written in his usual neat English calligraphy were the names of the winning acts.

_Weasley Twins – Stan -up comedy_

_Cedric Diggory – Flame throwing act_

Oh, so that's what I missed. Pride swelled up within me and I read the last act.

_Luna Lovegood & Cho Chang – Orchestral duet_

Sure, it was only third place but who cares? At least they got a placing. I announced the placing as quickly as I could. The sooner I got it done the sooner I no longer had to worry about Severus' perceptiveness or about whether or not he could see right through me. Through the walls I put up to protect myself and through the wards that held my heart.


	7. Aftermath

Luna slipped out of the Ravenclaw common room leaving Cho to be the centre of attention as Ravenclaw celebrated their placing. Her hair was still in the single plait Cho had managed to tame her hair into for the talent quest. Luna wore her radish earrings and tucked her rabbit's foot into her pocket out of sight.

It was nearly curfew and she should be heading to the common room rather than away. The moon was already high in the sky, she chose not to bring a lantern, she didn't need it. The moonlight that streamed down from the windows was enough to illuminate her path. As she made her way down to the dungeons, she took her time to stealthy navigate around the castle making sure to avoid Allyce. In the dark of the night with only silence for company, scattered thoughts entered her mind.

_ I'm worried about Allie, she's come so far it's a pity he's pushing her away. She's trying, that all you can ask for. _

A sense of urgency surged through Luna making her pick up her pace. She needed to get down to the dungeons as quick as possible. This was something Luna had to do now while everyone was having fun back in their common rooms.

_I can't tell him much but he needs a push in the right direction. Allie shouldn't have to go through this part all alone. There's not much I can do but I do what I can just like how she and Mother taught me._

She knocked softly on his door. It was an old, wooden door that made her wonder if the nargles were going to steal her shoes. She had forgotten to put her butterbeer necklace back on so she was only wearing her radish earrings. Luna hoped it was enough to keep them away, she didn't like having her shoes stolen. Last time it was her socks they took, it was a few hours before she managed to find them.

Her thoughts trailed off and as per usual she changed topics completely.

_I should meditate before bed. Allie taught me how because she thought it would help with my sleepwalking. It does a little, it's quite relaxing actually. She said it's often associated with some Asian cultures and Buddhism – a religion in the muggle world. I like it. Sometimes I wish I was a muggle_.

"I said _come in!_" hissed Professor Snape.

His voice bellowed from within, startling Luna and making her remember where she was. She chose to walk in quickly recognising the consequences if she didn't. Luna pushed the door open and walked into the familiar stone walls of the dungeons and up to him. Professor Snape took one look at her before returning to his cauldron. He peered down at the purple liquid and held onto the edge of his cauldron with his wand in hand.

"Thir-"

"Professor, do you think you're being harsh with Allyce?"

"_What?_" asked Professor Snape. Luna was reminded of the time she had asked Allie if she loved him and noticed they had given her near identical reactions. She decided it was rather strange they thought no one knew of their attraction solely because they hid it from each other.

"Do you think you're being harsh with Allyce?"

"It's Professor Somerhalder. I will not tolerate you incorrectly addressing staff especially af-ter curfew. Fif-"

"She's my godmother and sister. I grew up with her, she used to watch the clouds with me."

"What do you want, Miss Lovegood?" sneered Professor Snape. Perhaps Luna caught him at a bad time he seems rather unhappy she interrupted him. This thought – although had crossed Luna's mind, didn't hold her back one bit. She didn't regret coming down to talk to him.

"You're not the nicest Professor but you're very smart and Allyce…"

"She what?" snarled Professor Snape.

"She…likes you a lot." Luna refrained from saying 'love' knowing that Allyce will want to tell him that herself.

"And?" He asked bored.

"She wasn't always happy you know. She's had lots of highs and lows in her life. Before Hogwarts I can't remember the last time she was this happy. Isn't it obvious?"

"Get out Miss Lovegood. I will not tolerate you wasting my time with your petty thoughts. _Leave_."

"Profes-"

"Twenty points from Ravenclaw now _get_-"

A strange feeling overtook Luna's usually calm and sometimes strange mind state. For the first time in her fourteen years of life, Luna got mad. There were many times where she got annoyed and snapped at people – particularly Hermione Granger, but she had never been 'mad'. The only explanation for this was her Potions Professor's refusal to listen.

Severus needed to listen to her, he knew that and yet he continued to deflect Luna's attempts. Why? Neither of them weren't quite sure. Luna knew he was as closed as a book could get and Severus? Well, he was still sifting through his own emotions, still trying to find his way in unfamiliar territory.

"Severus Snape. You listen to me right now!" Her voice remained soft and light through the anger she felt, making her less intimidating than she would have liked. He stayed silent, unfazed by her outburst and continued to stir.

"It isn't fair for you to treat Allyce like this. Don't you agree she deserves better?"

Professor Snape momentarily looked up before dropping a newt tail into his cauldron. Luna wondered what her Mother would say if she were here. She would have undoubtedly wanted to interrupt her daughter and start conversing with Severus on the delicate and difficult art of spell-making. Luna knew that Allyce wouldn't like it one bit if she knew but Luna believed that someday Allyce would understand. That is, if she ever finds out.

"It may have escaped your notice but life isn't fair. The fate of the wizarding world does not lie on our acquaintance. Sixty points from Ravenclaw. You will do well to remember to address me as Professor – nothing else." Some people would have thought that by 'our acquaintance' he was referring to Luna and himself but she knew better. He was talking and Allyce and himself.

"I know and Allyce knows that better than anyone. I thought it was obvious, don't you get it?"

"Clearly not. Spit it out you wretched girl, I have far more important things to do than listen to a dunderhead like _you_."

"She misses you. I can't tell you much more but Allyce was in a dark place Professor. She's at her happiest with you. You make her happy Professor."

Professor Snape snorted and proceeded to cool the potion he was brewing. Luna shook her head sadly at him. She was disappointed in him. Watching him concentrate on his potion, Luna knew that she would have a few moments to figure out what to do next.

_He is clearly intelligent and exactly the type of man Allie was bound to fall for. So why doesn't he understand? _

"It's true Professor. Life is short, it's fragile like the wings of a butterfly. The dark lord is on the rise, we don't have much time left. We could die any day now. Every moment is precious like the memories we hold onto for a rainy day. Why do you want to spend it alone?"

Luna noticed Professor Snape's body stiffen during her little speech but he chose to ignore her and stare into his cauldron instead. The air seemed to have gotten heavier in a matter of seconds. She felt an invisible presence zoom past her.

_Oh no, there's an outbreak of Wackspurts! I have to tell Father, he'll know what to do. _

_No!_

_I have to stay here. I have to make him see._

"I don't want Allyce to be alone. You should give her a second chance. She's trying you know, it took a while for her to start trying. She better than before but she could be better. Love is terrifying but it's also magical, exciting and wonderful."

"_Get out!_" yelled Professor Snape, seething with anger.

Luna promptly curtsied – one must always respect their elders, and headed out the door. She didn't get the reaction she wanted. Hopefully he will be reminded of how he loves her and come to his senses. He must love her. She could see it as vividly as she could see thestrals. It was written in his eyes whenever he thought of her and in his body language when he was with her.

Professor Snape cares for Allyce and Luna was glad. She's unsure what kind of love it is but that is what Allyce would call 'a minor detail'. She can't be sure if he looks at her the same way she looks at him but there is something there. Something wonderful. He may not be _in_ love with her but he will always care for her.


End file.
